The “Me Too” Phenomenon

Today I start with the “#MeToo” campaign. It sparked a lot of controversy and outcry in early October 2017 , this year, because of accusations against a certain celebrity. There have been many celebrities that have been accused over the years, and in my lifetime I can name a few at least that I grew up to be household names such as Bill Cosby and Michael Jackson for instance. Some were false allegations, others were fined or locked up. Most celebrities however seem to have gotten away with quite a bit of these allegations and get off with a fine and a small stint in jail or house arrest or not at all because the victim was found to be not trustworthy etc. This being said it seems that this has encouraged the wealthy to encourage and endorse rape culture.

Many famous women and even child actors are now bringing this to light and there are so many in this list that it's appalling. We're not putting up with it in 2017 that's for sure. I note though that on this list, though allegations have been made , most of these are within the entertainment industry. I wonder though why, with all the hype and allegations and commentary on the current President of the US, why he was not listed on this list especially being a former T.V. host etc. I am thinking it's because he has some control over the commentary though admittedly his own statements via twitter and other social outlets and speeches are not supporting him in a good light. In fact I would say he puts his foot in his mouth every time and encourages the hate and the mistreatment of not only women but anyone who has a different sexual orientation than himself being a straight white man.

I don't mention the states as it being just them in North America. We have it here too in Canada and though my fine country is a great supporter in our laws and our Parliament of acceptance of all race, creed , sexual orientation and sexuality it still has those that choose to fight this. A fine example is in my hometown whereby the law can't even punish these men for harassment. These two men frequent our downtown and churches to the point where they have been banned by more than one church for harassment and confrontations. They “preach” about how women wearing pants and wearing even the most modest clothing is a sin. Wearing make up, having our hair down, dying our hair funky colours, having different skin colours, being anything but what they believe we should be is a sin. They scream it, shout it through loud speakers, flash it in your face and go right up to you. How is this right? By law we shouldn't have people telling us what to do and wear etc , this is true that by law this is infringement on a person's space but it is not an infringement apparently on free speech and law would be stepping on that right should they lock them away. So what can one do? How can we stop this spread of rape culture? Of the encouragement of this through media and other outlets?

By being informed and protecting ourselves. By speaking out and fighting back with words and by not allowing those that seek to oppress to win that oppression. To fight we must teach. We must teach our youth starting now about what is respect of another human being. This affects our mental stability as well as our physical sexual health.

Now here's my problem with this campaign. I support that we should come out and we should ban together about it. Don't get me wrong I really do support that. There are three problems with this though. One is that it is mainly geared towards women and it seems like there is this misunderstanding that men can't be sexually assaulted, harassed or raped also or that transgender can't. Two that this causes traumatic revisiting of a situation that those who've been through it don't want to speak about. It's something that is currently being pressured. I applaud those who have the strength to speak about it and cope in some way without ending their own lives etc. I know that going through court battles and reliving that whole thing is scary and traumatic on its own. The last issue I have with this is that it has sparked a mass of accusations and allegations that may or may not be true. I'm not victim blaming by any means. No. In fact quite the opposite here when I say that there are those though, that will do this for money, further power or just to get revenge for some silly thing.

Now here's my own experiences that I share and not lightly. I will not mention names but I will mention my story. Unfortunately my father was at the end of one of these allegations by my mother. Yes that's right, my mother who is mentally ill. It was found that none of it was true. But this does not erase the black mark of his reputation, it does not erase the trauma that he went through and suffered through for all the lies told and rumors. Even family look at him negatively. He has since become even further of an outcast due to lies. So you see he was at the other end of the stick in a situation of untruths.

My other experience is that of my own nativity and this I do not share to simply “get attention”. I share it with a heavy heart but in hopes that those who wish to share will or those that don't but need someone to know that an ordinary person like myself understands will find some kind of solace in reading this.

Like the famous Lady Gaga, I was naive and young and though not subject to the hands of a producer or someone in that industry I was still subject to letting someone take advantage of me. I met a boy. Liked him, thought he liked me. I didn't have any sexual experience and was already in the state where very much like Carrie from the Stephen King film/book I had been sheltered to a point where I didn't know everything going on or even if I did I didn't know how to react. I had never been kissed or touched in any way, was told that sex in its entirety was a sin including self pleasure and that even having a boy look at me was wrong and that all they wanted was sex. So when I met this guy and was told and experiencing differently I investigated out of sheer curiosity at the ages of 19-21. Eventually one day he we were “fooling around” and he asked me , yet again, to go all the way. I said no. I had said no always. I wasn't ready and felt this sickness in my stomach grinding at me. However he was already on top of me, holding me down, he wasn't rough with me though, and I was smaller than him and we were in his basement bedroom, with his mother upstairs no less. So I didn't want to fight or bring attention. I was scared. So I didn't fight. I let him. I laid there and stared off to the abyss watching the television. He didn't go far but it was enough to feel used ,although at the time I didn't and couldn't explain the feelings. I was “friends with benefits” after that, again in my nativity and later on he would go on to ask me to pay me for my services of which being a stronger woman and realizing that what had happened back then could have been considered “rape” which by media and social standards it was equally my fault however by definition rape is : “unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim. “

So now I wonder, how many others did he do that to? How many other girls did he convince of the same and that he deserved to have sex with them? Now I note that he's getting married and had the nerve to ask me again to sleep with him while he was with his fiance and that he dared to again ask to pay me for these “services”. I flat out said no. It is appalling though to me that there are so many women and men that have gone through these experiences. There are even those I know that have had been molested as children. As a child you don't know any better. Here we are though , made to feel that it's our fault, that we did something wrong to deserve it some how and that when we bring this to light we are then liars or that we are dirty and tainted. The old ways of a woman being already “had” are still with us. We are taught that being of a different sexuality gives someone the right to take it too. But this is all wrong! And that is where we need to start people. We need to teach it in our schools of respect of the body and mind and spirit. It's not just inappropriate touching as children, but as young adults. We did have that in our schools once. Saying No. However the majority of rape, molestation and even murder is with someone you know whereby you are made to feel comfortable and forced and feel the need to oblige because you feel ashamed.

So there you have it. I too, even the nerdy, small little woman I am has had her own experience. I've been influenced by those experiences of watching my father be accused of something he's never done (in mom's delusions she went so far as to say that he even molested me which he NEVER EVER EVER DID!! ), listening to my mother tell me everything was wrong with any kind of sexual relationship (even with yourself, her derogatory comments against those that are of the LGQTB community and questioning my own sexuality), to my own rape. It makes me angry. It makes me sad. It makes me relive it all over and it makes it very difficult for me to find acceptance of myself when I look in the mirror. I feel ashamed for allowing it but our over all social standing is that it was my fault but it is not and this is why we have to fight back. It makes it difficult to find that significant other too because I only want to be understood. To understand though you must listen.