Updates for May-July and Controversial Topics

Update for May- July

I'm sorry to my readers for not updating for the past three months. I've been very busy and there has been a lot going on. I've been in decent health over the past few months though I have hurt my foot sometime between March and May and have had to have pain killers, an x-ray and walk on it carefully. It's apparently inflamed tendons in my right heel. I'll just have to be careful and continue using inserts. I've also been having a bit more of a social life which is good but at the same time it's caused a different anxiety, social anxiety and making me feel actually more self conscious. That and though apparently meant as a compliment, being told that you're manipulative and know how to “play” the system is not something I really want to hear. Nor is being told that my fantasies vs reality are not valid or important.

I'll point out that my “fantasies” and writing and art and music have helped keep me sane and even my counsellors have told me that it is what kept me save. It's a protective mechanism against all the abuse that I've gone through. I've been told that this is normal and that there are many who don't know how to do this or haven't and that children tend to do it more so. We create a superhero or some kind of imaginary friend in some cases. Some of this we grow out of, most of us do but in my mind my stories, my writing have validation, they are essential to my survival. Being told I'm a survivor, that's a good thing to say. I am but to say that how I survived is semi negative? That's not a good thing. Also too saying that I'm obsessed over anything is also not good. I have phases, I am not "obsessed" with anything, in fact it's more of a high peak of interest either for a short or long time where for a short period I will discuss or want to share my interest with another that hopefully would also share the same interest, whether it be of a show, place, thing, music, famous person etc. It does not mean that I am obsessed. As soon as you act as if my interests are invalid, or don't interest you, I will shut up about it and seemingly "move on" but that does not mean that I have gotten rid of this interest. It just means that you're no longer going to hear about it because you've made a point that you either have no interest and don't care or to you my interests have no meaning and are not therefore productive. Again these type of statements only make me feel less important and cause me to have more self esteem negativity. 

It just puts me in a negative space with negative people. For the most part people can be positive around me and even at work it's been better with people being cheerful and trying to be positive and I know I try my hardest to be positive because even as a customer said to me the other day, it's hard to be in a job like mine. Working with such problem after problem and angry customers over the phone and then to hear my colleagues and how they hate their job. You know I don't hate my job, I just wish it was better. Better pay and better behaviour towards things. This all affects my mental health. That and relationships. You know an older male colleague told me that I don't need a man in my life. You know what he's right and he pointed out that there are many men/women that find independent, intelligent women like myself intimidating. I hold my own. I'm not going to be negative though and say that there is no one out there for me because I'm “no good, too fat or not smart enough”. Because that's not it. I think there is someone out there for me, despite being treated like garbage by guys, I just think that the person I'm supposed to be with hasn't entered my life yet and they have been taking a detour! I am good enough, I am smart enough, and I am beautiful in my own way. It'll just take the right person to see those things and appreciate me for me and not want to change everything about me to mold me to what they want because what they will want is exactly me as I am. I have a friend that, especially when drunk, gets emotional and states that because she's been through such negative relationships that she's not going to find anyone. If this is true it's not because she can't or that the world won't have it happen, it's because she won't allow it. That kind of negativity translates into friendships and relationships and is self destructive.

Body Positivity, Mental Illness and Self Harm

I'd like to move on to speaking about mental illness. It seems it's all around me these days. Myself, my mother, my brother, other family members, my friends. Anxiety is a big one with schizophrenia, depression and bi-polar being others. Suicidal thoughts and suicides being in the mix as well and with all this comes alcoholism which is an addiction and a mental illness itself.

In the news some time ago, think it was May or early June this article came about in the paper about Jenepher Watt here in my hometown. This is a crucial part of changes to our medical practicing. I know too that I've been dealing with my mother who, although is on medication and getting help, is so far into her paranoia now that she has some really bad days and says some really strange things that causes for concern. I've already reported it to her doctor but I don't know that there is much they can do other than monitor her and make sure she doesn't do any self harm or harm to others.. Earlier in the year/last year there was an article about this young lady who in my home town pointed out that there weren't enough beds and wasn't good treatment for those who were mentally ill, she was sleeping on the floor! This is sickening. There should be better treatment. Really we've come far from the dark ages of locking them up even for the slightest difference for mental patients but we've still got a very far to go before we get rid of the stigmas and treat people with dignity. We assume that those who are mentally ill are always a harm to others or that they should be ignored and shut away and it's a scary thing and people who don't have these illnesses don't understand always and don't often wish to help. It's sad that this young lady did so much good and pushed for changes and succeeded in some way but in the end just felt that she couldn't live in this world any longer.

Let's move on to body image or just simply self esteem. I have recently come across many articles about being fat and the word “just” and how one should be “positive”.

Starting with the word “just”. It is true that many women and sometimes men, actually put ourselves down by using this word. We are degrading ourselves or putting ourselves in a position to not be important. Even I have been at fault of it and never really thought about it but it's true. I've been known for trying to bring others up but also known to put myself down and sub-consciously I put myself down to put others up. Even when giving a compliment. For instance saying that another person is better looking than yourself among friends. We always wish for what we don't have but we should also acknowledge that what we do have is beautiful too! Maybe I don't have the flat tummy my sister has for instance or perhaps she's better at photography but I have computer skills that she doesn't and I also have certain features she wants. So why do we need validation from others? Why is it that we have to put others down to build ourselves up? I'm not entirely sure why but we should try to learn not to do it if we can.

Also too the world of social media and “selfies” is harmful and one that I don't want to delve into. I don't take pics of myself. Not so much because I dislike how I look , I simply don't think it's necessary to take a photo of myself all the time. It causes more judgment and self hate because you're then comparing and putting yourself on display all over online for others to comment and say yes your beautiful or that you're not. And really you shouldn't care what others think but from experience without social media of being bullied for being smaller or not wearing make up or not shaving once in a while, I know that it's putting myself up there for comments that are unnecessary and unimportant.

I would also like to say that being positive in the mind can only do so much. For those who have depression for example you can't simply say that you should be positive it doesn't work. This article says it best.

LGTB Talk

So now I'd like to move on to another issue throughout media and social media that's been big in the news lately. That's the rights and transition of LGTB folk out there. Recently we've seen some famous people put themselves out there for who they are and that's strength to say hey after all this time this is truly who I am and I want the world to see it. There are those who see this not of an act of strength or courage but of selfishness. I agree and don't agree. I think it is a sign of strength and courage but it is semi selfish to have it plastered in the media because you're famous, therefore making some kind of money out of it, although they are actively supporting the rights of a minority and intentions may be good. There has also been the recent pivotal point in history made this summer of now same sex marriage being legalized across the US finally. There have been protests and people taking extremes but how is this affecting your choices and your beliefs? It doesn't. I say to each their own and love is love. If your soul mate is the same sex then so be it! You don't know until you meet that person and being gay or lesbian is not a matter of choice. It is something that biologically you have no choice. There are creatures of this world, and I reference an episode of CSI  -(episode 8, season 5 Ch-Ch-Changes ) where Grissom pointed out that Oysters change genders. I quote:  

"Gil Grissom: I thought you'd want to know what happened to Wendy.

Mimosa: I appreciate your telling me. Killed by someone in our own community. As if we don't have enough enemies. Her parents never understood her, but still I think they should know. What do I say?

Gil Grissom: Show them an oyster.

Mimosa: I'm sorry?

Gil Grissom: There are two types of male oysters, and one of them can change genders at will. And before man crawled out of the muck, maybe he had the same option. Maybe originally we were supposed to be able to switch genders, and being born with just one sex... is a mutation.". Well what if evolution says that we are to do this? I mean really we are overpopulated anyway. And we can't control the chemicals in our brain. If born a woman and wanting and acting like a man, and vice versa, well is that really wrong? Mother nature made us this way! What if these things are because in a past life we were too?" 

I totally agree with the above statements.

The reason I got to thinking about all this is because of the new show on Netflix too called Sense8. The actors and directors and writers did an amazing job at addressing such controversial issues and touching on the subject that we are all interconnected. We are all not per say “the same” but we all have those human needs and feelings no matter what part of the world we are from and no matter what our “status” in it, no matter our sexual orientation. We are all human. As the second episode's main statement and title says “I am also a We”. I highly recommend that anyone who is not afraid of touching on these subjects should watch this.

This is all I have for now. I hope everyone is staying safe, cool and relaxed during this summer (for those that are having summer). :) Until next time! And I'll try not to wait 3 months at a time!