Are there are excuses for being obese? Should the government pay you to lose?

I'm so sorry I haven't written for the entire month of September. I kind of consider it my month off month. I've been trying not to be on the computer so much as I'm constantly on one at work and I haven't had any of my massage therapy for a few months now. I have a lack of funds right now and so have been holding off. However I have also been doing some crochet work and stretching which both seem to be helping me relax quite a bit and so temporarily using that for the time being. Moving along with this update, I've recently noticed an increase in colds and flus and yes it is that time of year but I still ask why people come to work medicated and sick. I know that I do it because the company I work for insists on using a point system that basically unless you're visibly ill you are expected to work. Even if you've got a migraine etc., it's essentially a grin and put up with it attitude.

Basically, I need a new job. I'm not one for complaining for no reason and I know some out there might say well I should just shut up and put up with it but it's when it affects your health and you can't do it anymore that you have to say something. My doctor has even told me I need a new job, I've had nurses tell me that I need to find something else. Something less stressful and not in a closed environment all the time sitting in one position. I've gotten worse because of it. I haven't weighed myself this quarter yet but I'm hoping I've lost a bit more from eating better. Lots of water, fruits and veggies and sandwiches and less fried food, eating out and pop than I used to. I also have been walking pretty much every day to and from work. No excuses other than being late to get a cab to work. The job itself however is stressful so I do have my "off" days of eating or wanting junk food.

Speaking of junk food and eating healthy, I can not believe this report I found. This report takes place in the UK but still shocking. I know here in Canada, well least where I am, there is no way you could afford to buy what's in this lady's cupboards. Not to mention that you know what I agree with every point the person writing it has made. I'm not against heavier people , don't get me wrong I have friends who are obese and no fault of their own either. In fact genetics and disease and even medications required for someone to try to be healthier can be huge factors. However, saying that you don't know how to exercise, that you have to pay for a gym and don't know how to eat healthy at all? Come on! You do know how to simply walk, right? I mean all it takes is taking a walk around the block or down the street and back every day. Walking to the grocery store or to get some milk instead of the car. Oh and let us not forget that I'm sure this person has seen some kind of fruit or vegetable and I'm sure she knows that that is healthier than pop tarts and marshmallow fluff. A simpleton would know that! A doctor is not something that has to be paid for, I'm sure she has seen one of those even in a hospital for some reason or another and I'm sure they have told her how to eat better even in general. It doesn't take much at all to get started and it costs nothing. The only thing she's losing out on is her health and there is no way that here in Canada at least that you could ever get that much money to live off of, and there is no way they would ever grant something like paying for you to lose fat because "they made me fat by living off welfare".

I lived on welfare. And you know what I ate? I ate whatever the food bank gave me because by the time I paid bills and the rent for roof over my head and clothes on my back (which were from thrift stores for the most part) I didn't have enough money to buy all the best stuff. But they gave me some veggies even if they were canned, they gave me some kinds of canned fruit and though they have large amounts of sugar I'm sure it's better than eating marshmallow fluff and poptarts, chips or other junk. They even gave me bread and sometimes some meats. When I could afford to go get groceries I got deals and went to get food at my nearest farmers markets where I could get good stuff and quality for a decent and cheap price. There is always a way to make it work and be healthier even on a budget.

This being said there are also those people who drink and smoke their money away which is also sad. They need help too but you think the government is going to just say, yeah we're gonna pay you more to go to rehab? You have to want it first, you have to want help and keep to it. The government doesn't trust you with that much money. Personally I think we should force people to get jobs or at least look, I know here they forced me, and pushed until I got one. They had me fill weekly and month reports of job searching and interviews and take classes on resume writing and how to present yourself with confidence etc. or else they would cut my funds. Even on my start up money they had me report all my receipts!

Point being there are again, no excuses for those that are actually choosing to be lazy, selfish and attention seeking like this woman. She gives people who do need help, who are obese for varying reasons that are not self inflicted, a bad name. In fact she spurs the stigma of the obese, that they are fat, lazy and good for nothing and self loathing people. Sad really because I know a lot of jolly, very happy people who are on both ends of the spectrum.

Anyway that's the entry of this month thus far. I'm sure I will post again in October or at least that's the intent. Take care everyone!

Depression, Robin Williams and the Issue with Selfies/Social Media/Technology

Well it's that time of month again and here we go! This month I'd like to talk about two very important things. As many of you know I am a huge advocate for those who have mental illness. There have been two things that either I've noticed or have happened recently that have made me even more so.

I'll start with the most recent loss of a great comedian and actor, who brought laughs and light to the world, Robin Williams. Many of his films I grew up with and even in college I recall a special day/night where there was a huge storm and the power went out, we were pretty much on lock down as our keycards wouldn't work without power so we had to leave our rooms open and we couldn't leave to go anywhere without being locked out. So a few of my neighbors all got together and we sat around listening and watching a Robin Williams comedy act, I forget which DVD it was but it was hilarious and we had an awesome time! I recall many of his films such as Aladdin, Dead Poet's Society, Jumanji, Jack, Hook, Mrs. Doubtfire, Happy Feet, Night at the Museum 1 and 2, August Rush, Fern Gully and more recently I got to watch Good Morning Vietnam. All of these films were inspiring and all of the characters were portrayed in such away that they were loved and inspirational or encouraging. All of these made me laugh and cry and watching them as an adult too you see things different. Thing is that a lof of us could never understand that such a seemingly happy man, who brings laughter and light could feel so lost and alone, alone enough to take his own life due to depression.

Some people would like to bring negativity to this and say it is a coward's way out, that is is selfish and an "easy" way out of a dire situation. But for most who have this illness, or for those who have simply been in a depression through hard times such as even myself, where we have thought of suicide, it is not an easy decision. It's gotta be one of the hardest things and one that is certainly a consideration. I'll be honest even myself as a child, no one would know that I nearly ran away into a forest wanting to die because of the amount of bullying at school, the abuse from mom at home and the struggles I went through emotionally trying to understand her illness and the events around me. I was only about 9 or 10 I believe, grade 4 is all I remember. If it weren't for a friend, same age as me, that  stayed behind and told me that I had more to my life and to stay, such a mature state of mind, then I wouldn't be here. So I thank that friend as I have many times, to Jayden, you will always have a special place just for that and sometimes I don't think you realize just what a profound affect that had on me for that one single moment.  But I will also admit that many years down the road I came across the same thought at least twice more during very hard and abusive times. If it again were not for that memory, and the reminder that I have friends and siblings and simply other people that I can influence and help through hard times then I would have done it. I felt like my life wasn't worth living. There are those, such as Williams, who though they have things to live for, go through this depression and though they may have help just go into this very, very dark place and they just can't, I repeat, can't find the way out and the light at the end of the tunnel. They just can't find the will any longer to live here on earth.

It's something that many can't understand and never will because they haven't been in that dark place. It's like, drowning. I've been there too and experienced nearly dying by drowning and it's exactly like it. Overwhelming and fearful and dark and alone, flooding of your lungs so that you can't breathe. It's terrifying but sometimes instead of fighting you feel like you have to let go and let the water take you because it would be that much simpler because you just can't fight any more.

So to all those who are saying negative things, please consider being in those shoes. Consider what you're saying and stop judging. You really don't know how difficult it is. For those who have and are struggling with depression and mental health issues, know there is help and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can do it, it takes enormous strength but there is no shame in reaching out and asking for help for someone to pull you out of the overwhelming waves. We need that pull and helping hand.

Nextly I'd like to talk about again another mental health issue that I feel is being encouraged! It's being brought on by social media and encouraged by further media outlets. Here we are talking about being obese or too thin etc. and that alone can be part of mental health. It's the way we think about food and our bodies. It's in our heads. At the same time though recent studies have shown that the "selfie" is a form of mental illness as is taking multiple pictures of your food.

A recent study at a restaurant that was getting poor reviews in recent years found that more time was spent taking pictures of food, selfies, waiters etc. while waiting and also more time texting or on cellphones than in years past causing poor or slower service by waiting staff. We are addicted to technology! We need to stop looking at the phone, stop looking at ourselves and pay attention! Goodness I've seen people run into poles in the street because they weren't watching where they were going! Not to mention that the selfie is narcissistic and we are constantly judging ourselves and our friends or others for that matter.

Posts on facebook and other outlets are all about pictures of yourself and others and a contest of who is better and who has the best body. The other day I was at the bus stop and listening to two young ladies who clearly had boyfriends and were on their way to the gym. They were commenting on the guys looking at other women and how these women looked and one asked "well did she at least have a nice body", the other responded " well yes, she was fit". But what does this matter? Why should  it? What if the lady had been heavier or not "fit" with muscle tone? That type of body disgusted them I could tell because another young woman, like myself, came to the stop who clearly was not "fit" and they looked both of us up and down in disgust. That day, I felt pretty. I felt happy with myself and thought I looked pretty darn good for my age. I have curves etc. and yeah I've gained weight and maybe it's not healthy but I'm working on that, for me. No one else but me. Not because society says so but because I don't feel healthy all the time with this weight.

Now here's the other problem with "selfies" it's an actual disorder they say now. So why then are we now encouraging it through ads for cameras, phones and tablets? I saw a commercial the other day for a tablet, and they were encouraging it by "selfie arm" they called it. Oh but it takes awesome pictures and "selfies" the commercial says and encourages and yes you should get one because there are other people like you! Here is the commercial, which I find that you should not be encouraging such a thing. I also heard at work through yet another ad that even Rogers is encouraging the selfie with promoting phones and how the cameras work!  It's a disorder and debilitating. This is actually sickening to me. We are teaching our young people to be concentrating on yourself etc. This isn't right!  This causes you to judge yourself and others and this further brings on other illnesses such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders and even to go so far as bullying and violence.

We are encouraging our youth and even our current generation to do these kinds of things! Yet we have this distaste for it and are trying to encourage it otherwise in news reports and studies and then go back on it by using it as a selling point?! It's being used to make money, marketing and used to sell prescription drugs. Our next generations are going to be full up on drugs and be turned into robotic drones who don't know where they come from, don't know how to laugh or know right from wrong, perhaps even a bunch of drugged up delinquents! Kids will not be "kids" you have to discipline them, show them that there is a world out there of beautiful wondrous things that are not man made! It's not all about science and technology and themselves!

Do we really want a world like in Wall-e? Blobs of inactive people floating around on a liquid diet not even knowing the feel of sand or grass on your feet, not knowing the breath of fresh air and oxygen or sun on your skin or water splashing between your toes? Not knowing what it's like to eat a full out steak or even a carrot!? Real food?

I'm sorry but that's the way we're heading and sometimes, sometimes, I wish not to live to see it. I hope that when my nephews get to be 20 and by then I'll be in my 50's, that by then we can make the world a better place and that the world isn't like that.

So I leave you with these thoughts. Take what you do into consideration, it starts with us, it starts with all those parents even out there, our children copy us. Make the right decisions. Do you want to see a world like that? Really?  Have a good month to come everyone! Again I welcome comments and suggestions! Remember living and laughing and enjoy life! Tell your loved ones you love them because  you never know what might happen tomorrow and how just telling them or being there may help them even for that moment!

Skinny Shaming, Being Older, Body Acceptance and My Health Update

This July entry is about two things, my own personal health over the past little bit and Skinny Shaming. 

Over the past year I've had these "spots" appear on my back. In the crevasses of being heavier and around my chest/breast area. I didn't know what they were, I thought perhaps because I had acne that they were scars created from scratching at them. Yes I have adult acne, and it's not pretty or something that I like at all. It's a pain. It's something that went away for a time and then came back in full force and I have a horrible habit of scratching at them sadly. I've been trying to stop. Part of this acne problem is because I've always had more oily skin or sweat more than some women might. With the weight gain I sweat more and just walking to and from work , where 4 years ago I would sweat yes but wouldn't be out of breath and feeling drenched, I am now finding it more difficult at times. Sometimes I even welcome rain because of it. That being said these spots that appeared I didn't consider to get checked however another started appearing and the spots I did have became almost symmetrical and in the exact same spot on either side and I began getting a third under my right breast. So I decided to get checked out by the doctor as I thought maybe it wasn't scars but feared for the worse and thought it to be cancer. Turns out ladies and gents that it was in fact something we don't even stop to consider. Fungi. I tried looking it up on the web before going to the doctor to see what it was and no one seemed to put a name to it or know and it wasn't until the doctor said that it was in fact a fungal infection that when I looked it up again it seems to be a more common thing. It was a fungal infection caught underneath the skin because of sweat and the pores in my skin couldn't breath, despite showering twice a day, the crevasses and folds in my skin didn't allow for my skin there to breathe proper or simply stay dry. Fungi grows in moist areas so when you sweat and you are heavy or have folds like some of us might then you get stuff caught underneath the skin. But don't worry it is very treatable and now is almost gone after 10 days of using special cream. Like, athlete's foot only yes, you can get it in other areas. 

Moving on I have been eating much better and have found that between April and June I have lost 7 lbs. I'm pretty happy with that and hope to continue losing a bit here and there. I might not meet my goal by September  but everyone loses weight in their own way and in their own time. My body might just be slower to see results. I have seen results other than just on the scale. I can almost fit into my size 16 jeans again, I can fit into some of my tops that were beginning to be tight on me and the ones that I got as larger sizes are beginning to look a little looser. I also have been drinking much less pop, if barely any at all and have found I feel a whole lot better for it. Water and tea all the way!! Speaking of tea, highly reccomend drinking green tea among other herbal kinds. I'm huge into a place called David's Tea as they have a large selection, great deals and really awesome teas. I know some might be expensive but for those who get colds and flus a lot like I do, any tea with peppermint, ginger or hibiscus in it are awesome for that and help fight it. I feel so much better even today while I've had this flu. The sniffles and cough have even settled and the bellyache that I had for 3 days, gone with one cup of tea that had ginger in it. 

Let's go forward now about skinny shaming. Yes, that's right, you read correctly. Body acceptance isn't just about accepting your body being heavy. It's about acceptance of all body types. Skinny shaming is happening too. I know many friends who are heavy but I also know many that are the complete opposite that don't have an eating disorder. Their body type is just that they don't have that much weight to their frame. Is this unhealthy? Is being heavy unhealthy? My question too is then what exactly is a "healthy" weight when our bodies are so different from one another? What makes my weight healthier than yours? It doesn't. It's the lifestyle, what we put into our bodies and how we treat ourselves. Here are a few articles on Skinny Shaming and Thin Privilage that talks about it best. 

I'd also like to bring up the topic of body acceptance in old age. I'm not that old , I'm 31 years old but as years have gone by my body has changed and will continue to do so. I see and look at my mom , my step mom, my other older friends or people I grew up with, even my sister who is only 27 and think, wow we've grown, we have changed. Our boobs sag, we have marks on our skin, we have gained weight on our hips  or our bodies ache and are broken down in some way or another etc. and we are never going to be as young as we once were. Some women would like to think we can go back to that , and some might be right if you keep yourself healthy and strong to some extent. But what gets me too is not just our own changes and trying to accept it but why men don't get this. Do men think of themselves in a similar way, do they not see themselves changing and why do they have to have a double standard, not all men are like this but with a patriarchal society for the most part media has said and set the standard that men though older can be with younger women and women can't. Though some of that standard has changed in media and Hollywood it is less common. This article says it very well though and I like how this lady has worded it. 

Lastly, I'd like to talk about the double standards and about moms and the urge to lose that post baby fat. In many magazines and talk shows etc., splashed across the media , it has been an urge for all women to lose this post baby fat. But why? Why do they have to? They should be accepting that they had a child and worrying about taking care of that child not losing the weight gain from pregnancy. It's one thing to be healthy and to eat right, take care of yourself but seriously, why? I totally agree with the banning of some of these shirts from this one retailer. Here is the article about it. Why would you encourage it? It's another form of body shaming. It's saying that to be a mom and to have born a child, bringing life into this world, is a shameful thing and that you shouldn't show that your body has done this miracle. I for one am not a mom, I am not ever going to be a mom physically. Why you may ask? Because I've made the choice in this life not to because it's not for me, my body and my health would not be able to survive such a thing at this stage and I have not found the right person. Adoption on the other hand may be a choice if it came to it or fostering if I had the right supports. For now, it's just not in the cards for me but I am in full support of those that have made the choice or want children. There is no shame in it. 

There should also be no shame in breast feeding and allowing your child, should your child be able to, breast feed in public. Why are we all in full support of showing sex and full nudity on tv and on ads and showing off bras and swim suits, glorifying the thin models in their nude form but we can't accept a mother who has a child breast feeding. We say that it's disgusting, we turn our heads at it but we don't when it comes to what is in the media which is mostly photoshopped and unnatural!? When did this become natural practice? When did it become so necessary to hide ourselves? I found this article through Facebook the other day about double standards and breast feeding and images of way back in the day that go to show how much we've changed in society. 

I might add that back then media was not the newspapers, it was art. If you go far back enough in history it was  the royals of some sort and the art of the times that set the standards for fashion and etiquette. I have to say that times really haven't changed that much that women are still "below" men. Like we're some kind of subspecies. Things are starting to change seeing as how there are also not just women's rights to be fought but also LGBT and other racial minorities here in the Americas. It's still going on and as humans, we have a lot of work to do to even separate us from animals. We are cruel and sometimes heartless. In fact I think sometimes that the fact we have higher brain functions in building things and such just makes us more cruel and dumb than say that of a wolf or bird or other creature. We are a virus and we not only destroy earth but we're destroying ourselves by fighting each other. We are one whole body, we are fighting ourselves like cancer fights our cells. Our cells fighting cells. We have to learn to accept one another and not hate like we do in order to survive. Healthy minds, healthy bodies, healthy earth.  It's either that or let's face it, mother nature, to put it bluntly, is a bitch and she's gonna wipe us out eventually anyway. 

And that is all for this month's entry. Hope everyone has been having a great summer/winter (dependent on where you live) thus far! Again comments and suggestions for topics are always welcome. 

Children: Influence of Technology and Media vs Parent

Hello everyone! I am again so sorry I haven't written in literally a month to the day. I have been so busy with another shift bid, looking for another job and had an interview etc. that I haven't focused in on writing. I must say however I did not skimp on the research for articles and topics and there are many that I would like to share with you. I would also like to remind my readers that I am not a health professional but that this is my opinion on many health topics and from personal experiences.

I'm going to write this month's post about parenting vs influences of media and technology. Now keep in mind I am not a parent however, I am an aunt, I am a sister, I am someone who has assisted in raising my own siblings with a mentally ill parent from a very young age. Therefore my opinion is based on my time spent being around children and personal experiences growing up and how I was personally raised compared to what I see in society now and the research and articles found and presented to you in this post thus far.

I'm going to start with children and technology and video games. This article titled "10 Reasons Why Handheld Devices Should be Banned for Children Under the Age of 12" I agree with. In fact I see some of these examples in the children I have interacted with or even seen on the bus. Children the age of 2 or even 1 in a stroller ,crying for attention or because of another issue, being handed their mother's phone to sooth them or even the parent being addicted to the technology where they are ignoring the crying child. Neither is good. We are teaching them that technology and hand held devices etc. are the way to calm yourself or be ignored. That the parent doesn't care. It actually frustrates me. I want children to play, outdoors play. I want to see children supervised and playing with toys that utilize and fuel the imagination to create! We are also using technology as babysitters. We say "here's the tv" and leave me alone to do my work. Now I realize there are a lot of working parents out there and I don't hold anything against them or single parents for that matter that are tired and have long days of work etc. However, spending time with your child is crucial. They are influenced very early and this influence needs to be by you in a positive light. Another article I found about a study on children and video games causing aggression is interesting to note as well. In fact not only aggression but also obesity. We are finding more and more children are being allowed at a young age to be seeing things they should not be seeing. Why are we encouraging violence? We then wonder why our children are bullies when we allow them to play games such as  Grand Theft Auto with high violence and crime. I have personally seen this with my one nephew whom his primary parent and grandparents had to take that access away in any shape or form, whether it be him playing the game or even just walking in on dad and the uncles playing, it had to be prevented. Why? Because of his further aggression towards his own sister, his views on people and women more specifically were being influenced in a negative way and they saw the results. The results of removing that influence was a positive one and now he is much calmer in the way he treats people.

To address the obesity issue, we find that children are not being active. We ask why they can't keep still and though some would like to argue that no child at a very young age of say, 4 years old, could ever stay still, and this may be true, however I recall a time in my youth that there was nap time, play time, outdoors time and I didn't learn my math until grade one and even in grade one there was still outdoor recess of a half hour and an hour lunch. Now there is none of that. Kindergarten is learning math and numbers and your alphabet and trying to read certain words along with writing your own name. Topics that were done in grade 8 are done now in grade 4 or 5 and kids are expected to sit longer in the classroom twitching and bored to death and wanting to go outside and do stuff with their imagination, meanwhile their imaginations are being stifled by the need to retain pointless information at a very early age. The article I found entitled "Why Children Fidget: And What Can We Do About It?"  explains further. The longer they have inactivity, well we all know what happens when adults sit for too long, we gain weight because we're not active. Sitting is the new disease and so why are we passing this onto our children? It's inherited not by genes but by actions. On another note I'd also like to point out that reading is good and should be encouraged more so than video games to use the imagination. I'd like to have everyone take a look over an article from some time ago about a lecture one of my favorite authors, Neil Gaiman, had done about "Why our future depends on libraries, reading and daydreaming".

As for bullying and children "Bullying in childhood linked to poorer health in middle age" was an interesting article I found. I don't know that I believe all of it as it was only based in one country, however I can say that those I have met that are middle age or coming close to who have been bullied do seem to have poorer health. I believe that this is due to the fact that we tend to then have lower self esteem and don't take care of ourselves as much as we'd like, even considering ourselves not a priority. It is not only in men but also in women that we could apply these long term repercussions. Bullying even among adults is becoming more and more common with social media outlets such as facebook and twitter. Even in the media among celebrities we find this, a recent example is Rihanna vs TLC. Admittedly TLC did sell sex in a different way for the times and so therefore are a tad hypocritical however they make a good point that you don't need to uncover yourself like Rihanna or even the rising to fame Miley Cyrus. I totally agree that showing off your body in such a manner is not the way to go and not showing young women or even men a good example. I'd like to say that I much prefer someone like Stevie Nicks who covers it up and has always been a woman of mystery as a role model. In the end though we hear about all this who's slamming who and who's saying who's fat and who's thin. What example are we setting for our children with all this? And don't forget that our children also hear how we talk about others even when we think they aren't listening. They pick up on our every move and sound.

I highly encourage any child that I'm around to use their imagination and be active. My one nephew I am so proud of. Though he has his tv time at home etc. he is very active in sports and using his imagination and he is the youngest of his family, being only 4. He knows how to play alone and when he's over he even plays with my "stuffies" and creates adventures for them. I even went out and bought some new toys such as dinosaurs, puzzles and other creative items to keep him busy. He loves being outside and playing ball and let me tell you being that he is so active, you can't help but be active yourself and want to interact. Sometime we joke and say "can we bottle all that energy?". I would much rather he do these things rather than play video games or be insistent that he watches TV all the time other than perhaps on a rainy day. But those those that we would watch too, again they would be interactive and learning programs that encourage the imagination. This is how it should be, this is how I remember my childhood. I remember being in the outdoors, or even in my room creating.

Children are our future and without encouraging imagination and creation we are becoming stagnant, becoming robots in a society that controls and wants us to become drone workers. Keep in mind that books like Divergent and films such as Wall-e are really not that far off of reality. It's scary but it's true and we have to wake up. I may not have children myself but my nieces and nephews are still my future and what will it be like for them truly in 20 or 40 or even 70 years from now? What will it be for their children? What are we preparing them for and what are we leaving behind as legacy?

There you have it folks! That is this weeks topics. I invite everyone to join in and comment for further discussion as I do every time I write. Please post here or if you're one of the few that see it through my facebook page then feel free to post there also. I also ask again that if any of my readers have topics you would like to have discussed feel free also to post and suggest. Have a good week/month and until next time!

Update, Body Shame, Art/media influence

Here goes, the 60th entry. I'm again sorry I haven't written in a while but my massage therapist says I must stay away from the computer as much as possible to be healthier for my back and shoulders and so I've been trying to get away from the computer as instructed other than for work.

The other day I took a walk outside and just yesterday I spent time with my parents and nephew out in the park near my apartment playing ball and running around. It was tiring but it was fun and well worth the pain today. My parents are seeing results in my weight loss too where normally I'd be very puffed out I'm now showing my curves once again and some hips which is what I want. Not to say that's for everyone but I need to lose it because it's affecting my breathing, my back, even my blood pressure and sugar levels. I am beginning to feel better though. I've changed things in my diet even to be healthier and when I want chips or sweets I tend to go towards fruit, banana chips, nuts, veggies. Now mind you a bit of onion dip for veggies doesn't hurt on occasion either :).

Moving onward I'd like to address some topics this week about body shaming. Again I know but I've found other reports and most notably I'd like to mention comments that were ultimately made my my facebook friends recently that I really felt offended by. It's not every day that I feel offended by something someone says but when someone assumes something without even reading the article then I have to question your comments and judgement. Body shaming, bullying, it comes in all forms. We assume things about people without getting to know them and understanding.

I'm going to start with this article about 10 things We do Without Realizing It. All 10 things are so very valid and things that, yes, even I have been suckered into doing, to both others and myself without thinking. The one that gets me most upset is the one about looking pregnant. There have been people who've commented on my weight and particularly one ex- boyfriend, who would come to visit me, pat me on my belly and ask if I was sure I wasn't "preggo" because I had gained a bit. That was 5-6 years ago when I actually hadn't gained that much and was still a mere 120 lbs versus the 184 I am now with no belly to show for it and I was doing working out, walking and belly dance workouts. It still bothers me to this day that someone could say that to me when I was thin, and that I could be seen more so now. It's insulting and humiliating.

I will also admit to judging people's clothes but not because of "fat" or "thin" but more so what is appropriate for a certain situation or function. I mean if it's at the beach and you're wearing a bikini, all the power to ya, do what you want. But if you're wearing one downtown in the middle of the street or to go grocery shopping? I'd have to say there are appropriate attire for certain things. It's like wearing a bikini in winter, or a snow jacket in summer? or Wearing a flowery strapless dress to a funeral here in Canada, where in some places that might be the norm it wouldn't be here, where something like that here would be more worn to a wedding? I'm sure you get my idea.

Now the comment in this article too about us women being baby making machines, well it used to be the norm to think that way. The bigger the hips, the heavier you were meant you were well off and had a good dowry which meant you were good for babies and to be married off to a good husband. We were thought of as property and admittedly we still are. This has not changed much except that now to be successful you have to have hips, curves yes, but you have to be filled out and flat bellied and work out with a ton of make up to be successful. Even in the office we are seen as property or we still have certain "gender roles" like secretary and such that we are not seen as in power of any kind or it is still somewhat frowned upon when we do make it to the top. We are still expected to be moms, and do this and that and be sexual or dress a certain way as "ladies". I remember my mother putting it in my head that a lady never sat with her legs a certain way, it was always cross your legs or cross at the ankles especially when wearing dresses and never let a guy look "down there" or else it would give them "ideas". As if I didn't have ideas! This concept about women provoking men and that's why men rape and it leads to sin and such? Seriously!? It's a two way street and there are guys doing that to guys and girls doing it to girls and it doesn't matter what gender you are at all or even your sexual orientation or how you dress, it happens and it's wrong. Your body is your own. No one else's.

Moving along to the article my "friend" commented on and clearly stated that it was disgusting and that it was a reason for young people to have obesity complexes and asked me to take  it down. She also stated it was disgusting and that it was an image of a child.  I refused to take it down. Why, because it's an article not only on art but self love of all kinds of bodies, young and old and shapes and sizes based on traditional baroque art using photography. Not to mention that if it were in fact of a child, there would have been parental consent and it was not actually of a child at all but a young gentleman of age. Otherwise the post probably would have been flagged by now for child pornography of some sort and nudity. Here is the Photo Series on the Ideal Body that I posted a collective group and blog called The Body is Not an Apology. I agree with the article. We don't see nudes that often of these kind of people and it was refreshing and inspiring making me wish I was back in art class drawing the nude models we had who were normal every day people. They weren't airbrushed models and "perfect" in the eyes of society. I liked that. I hated when we had a male model who was insulted for doing his job because my classmates were immature enough to say that if you're doing modeling like this you must be gay. Well no that's not true and in fact he was very handsome and actually very straight. He almost quit that day when he heard that because he felt my classmates were immature and he didn't want to pose for such group. I don't blame him.

I actually think that I may, I repeat may, do a photo series/drawing series myself. I wish I had and could find this one art piece I did in class. It was of a section of the body, we had to chose a section and draw it using contours and a medium of our choice. I chose near the belly actually and it turned out wonderfully with all the curves, shapes highlights and shadows using watercolour. Art is yet another form of media and if you know your history had a huge affect on social norms up til, well now. Everything from sculptures, paintings, fashion, music, it was all part of life but perhaps seemingly in a more indirect way as most of it was upper class at first and then those that were in power again influenced the masses. Now it's right at our doorstep and on every street corner and in our homes directly with mass media coverage coming through the radios, the "tube" and the internet, the highway of information. I really do wonder what would actually happen if that information source were cut off completely. Certainly something to ponder, and if you ever watch a show like "Revolution" you'd start to wonder too.

The last thing I'd like to end with is this wonderful blog or article about one father's "Break-up with Rap Music" and the influence of the media. I love the way he put it and so often that not we forget that it's not just rap though that has an influence. It's all kinds of music that has sexualized either gender. Rap music though has been the most known for swearing or alternate language that it seems to have a bad reputation for it. But it's not the only kind. Words are power. Words and image, because words create imagery. So when we think about the mental state of ourselves or our children we have to be careful what we put into our heads, what we listen to, what we read. What are our morals? It's something that in this generation we are creating mindless robots. We are creating little ones to not think on their own. Very saddening if you ask me where we are oppressing opinions or those that have formulated the ability to be unique are being bullied and told no and must reform even as little ones in kindergarten by adults not even just their peers. I think back to movies and shows like Serenity. We can not remove that which is a part of our nature such as aggression or love. We have to have a balance of both to be human and there is always a right and wrong. Doesn't matter what religion, sexual orientation, gender or race you are, we all agree on the basics of things of right and wrong in our guts, the feeling of it.

I ask everyone to be kind to each other and one's selves. More to come, most likely next month. Until then again thanks for reading!

Anxiety, Social Media, and Human Barbie

So here we are at the end of the month, I sincerely apologize to my readers for not keeping up with things as promised. It's very difficult with so many changes and shifts and quite honestly, being exhausted. Still no excuse I suppose as it comes off as laziness. However the good news is, is that I have accumulated a lot of material for the next coming while and quite a few topics are controversial. I still haven't gotten responses or comments really other than through facebook when I've posted links and to those of you not on my facebook please feel free to comment here. I know I monitor the comments and maybe that bothers you but I'd rather they be tasteful and constructive instead of just saying my opinion is wrong etc. etc. 

Without further ado here is this week's entry. We're going to start off with anxiety. Why you ask? Because I have anxiety and know family members and many friends who have it. Working at a call center does not help it either. I also know many with depression as well. To some extent my anxiety is probably not as bad as people could imagine. There are days where I seem perfectly fine and no one would know the difference at all. In fact we just had training on "soft skills" at work and there was minimal discussion about how we handle stresses and triggers on the phone. Customer service has got to be one of the most difficult jobs out there and one of the most anxiety provoking. You have customers yelling at you, demanding to fix their issue or demanding the unreasonable and in some cases it's not the customers but the tools you are handed that don't work. On some days I dread coming into work and even the thought of having to speak to one last customer on the phone and listening to them rant and rave about how the company I work for sucks is enough to make me want to say to hell with it all I'm going back to bed and staying there. Some nights I wake up and feel like I've run a mile and scared for no apparent reason. I have had anxiety attacks on the phone before too and no one would even really know. It isn't always visible. This link here about Supporting a Loved One through PTSD or Panic Attacks is a very good read. Mine may not get that bad at work but I have had them. It is not fun. GAD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder is more of what I have, where yes I do worry excessively about things that other people don't and it did cause issues in social life, I've learned to try to control it more and it's not as bad as perhaps as some people have it. It however can still be intrusive. Massage has certainly helped a lot with this and helps a lot with stress relief. Here is just a side link on some things that help with back and body aches. 

Moving on this week to yes.. you've heard me talk about this many times before, Fat Shaming. We've all done it even to ourselves. I do it even. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel fat and can't move the way I used to. I have friends who are obese who are not healthy. In fact they are probably starving themselves more so than eating. We have this perception that fat people are lazy and that they are sitting around eating all the time and shows on tv encourage this point of view. They show how these people got rid of the weight and then put it all back on and tell them it's because they didn't stick to their diet and exercise. They force people to exercise til it hurts them and makes them cry. It's sickening. And here we are thinking that this is acceptable behaviour. It's not. It's got to stop. 

We also have this thing about skinny people, the assumption again being the reverse, that they don't eat or that they work out too much. This isn't true either. I have other friends who are the opposite and no matter how much they eat they can't keep weight on and in some cases actually have a medical disorder with their stomach causing them not to be able to hold in food or be able to hold proper nutrients. It has nothing to do with anorexia and bulimia etc.  Here is one article I found that actually shows that we don't just go at the obese end of the spectrum but also the skinny side as well. I felt for this girl. Why would you suspend someone from college or university based on weight saying they are unhealthy? Isn't that up to their doctor if they are or not? And how is it a school's right to do so at all in any way? It isn't and should not be. It's like suspending someone over a mental health issue, oh yeah you have anxiety and depression, so you're gonna be kicked out of the dorm and kicked out of school til you get yourself corrected..? This was the case with a young woman here in Canada (as spoken about a couple entries ago from a report on Province Wide on tv). This is in no way right. 

Here are is a link to links to help with some encouraging ideas: 6 things to encourage body image. One of the links I highly encourage reading is Weirdly Shaped. I really like her view.  I also would like to speak about how we look at ourselves as dolls. Yes that's right, dolls. Here is an artistic approach by one artist showing us the real vs the unreal. Now that being said, here it comes, my blast and opinion about social media, body image and the human barbie! 

I'm going to start with selfies and mental health. That's right social media is at it again with the concept that you must take a picture of yourself, share it with the world and causing a distorted self image. Not to mention that it causes competition, bullying etc. Here is the report I found on it. It is becoming an epidemic! I don't post pictures of myself. I hate looking at myself so why would I post? But my sister is the opposite. She posts for what seems like artistic reasons and she's very good at photography and does have other models however sometimes I wonder in this age if she too has gotten hooked on this. It is concerning to me that this is important to most of my friends and  or family members. Further social media has made a video go viral about Fit Moms. Why do moms have this now expectation that they must lose the belly fat immediately? Why is there an assumption that mom's are lazy if they don't? As you'll see in the video there are two sides to this story and certainly it's good to be fit but everyone's definition of healthy is going to be different because of our lifestyles etc. and therefore is it right to say that both sides have it right? Please weigh in on this dear readers, I'd like to hear your opinion. 

To go forward to the last topic of this entry,  the human Barbie. I really feel this is a very construed view of body image. Why would you ever want to destroy yourself like this? They say that barbies and dolls in general are influential to girls. I'll be honest, I had barbies and I had tonka trucks too. I played with both and did up my dolls in hand made dresses even and thought it ok to play with them as fashion models and yes I wanted to dress like Barbie and have a cool house etc. However, I did not feel influenced by her being disproportionate. I didn't know she was until I was a teenager and all grown up. I didn't care that she was going to have such a tiny waste and that she was 6 feet tall etc. I just thought she was pretty and looked cool and that she was like any other one of my dolls, a student, a girl, a teacher, a mom, a super hero, someone I made up. She wasn't real. I knew that she wasn't. She could be anything I wanted her to be just like my teddy bears. Goodness I used my imagination, I built forts and box cars, I dug holes to China! I didn't think to myself, hey yeah it's ok I'll just change my measurements to look exactly like Barbie cause she's the best thing in the world and the most beautiful Godly (though man made) creation! This young woman is personally, delusional and needs serious help. She is mentally unstable if you ask me as well, living off light and air?? You can't! It's humanly impossible and yeah, wait she thinks she's communicating with aliens! Here is yet another report.

It's not like me to go on and judge people, and I'm not saying that everyone doesn't have their quirks and it's ok to not like something of yourself. But it's not natural to change your entire body image, to use and do such unnatural materials and things to yourself. It's not right to starve yourself like this. If it were something to do with natural evolution, a natural defect then I could accept it and say ok that's the way of things, earth and mother nature made you this way but to make yourself this way? It's just questionable. Thing is, that young girls and guys are being influenced by a multitude of media outlets and by the things we expose them to as children. It's how we present that to them that matters. As I said, I was presented a Barbie when I was young but I had the opportunity to expand and be told that what I was playing with was a toy, not real and not to set those expectations. My parents both influenced me to be what I wanted to be and to be myself. Body image has always been something I struggled with, be it that I was thin then or a bit heavier now I have been influenced by my peers and the outside world's expectation of me that I should be thin and fit and be like a doll, painted up to be "sexy".  I like a quote I read recently by Stevie Nicks "I think they all went too far. Their jeans got two low, their tops got too see-through. Personally, I think that sexy is keeping yourself mysterious. I'm really an old-fashioned girl and I think I'm totally sexy."  Love this! And I'll add that she is a full bodied lady and she is one of my inspirations. 

Well, that's all for this week/month. I hope to hear from my readers, please weigh in on these topics. I really  do want discussion. Have a good week and I'll hope to write again very soon! 

Yet Another Self Update - More Positive

A quick entry here today to try to keep on top of things. Today I had my massage and it was amazing, highly recommend it to anyone who has back issues or even just stress. It's so well worth it to take the time and my sciatic nerve gets worked out too so it is in less pain. I'm sure it'll feel bruised tomorrow but that's ok, she told me to put lots of heat every night when I come home on it until I see her in 2 weeks time.

On the bright side of things today, I'm also feeling a little better about myself compared to my last entry. Though I realize I still look at myself and feel ugly at times I also feel good when I do things like dance or accomplish something healthy and good. I feel better eating veggies etc. and so I'm going to keep to that as well as do Zumba and my Just Dance games among other workout games I have.

My goal? My goal is to lose 58lbs by September or perhaps even at least by my birthday in December. I even bought myself some new runners today to reward myself and keep up the good work with walking to work every day thus far. I am also doing Zumba four times a week is my goal and thus far two days down. If I can hold to it for the next two days I have set out of the week, which will be every other day, then I'm sure that I can keep to it. To reward myself I just might try to find a new healthy recipe for Sunday dinner.

I also have been in touch with an old classmate who is promoting some health items. I'll talk more about that later once I've tested the product he's sending me. He lives in the states right now and is sending me a product sample called Spark. From what I've read and seen on the site and my understanding it's like a vitamin energy drink. Apparently he and his wife swear by it and it has helped with mood as well as losing weight. We'll see how the sample goes and I'll report on it when I've completed the samples. For now it's good old exercise and eating better. I even bought gluten free pasta today. It's new, and I'm not sure it'll do much difference since I really don't eat a lot of breads and the like to begin with but everyone seems to think that I should go gluten free everything. It's like a new craze! I think it's ridiculous and will eventually die out like a fad but only time will tell. I'll give it a try since I love pasta. I don't eat it very often anymore but my sister thinks I should get rid of pasta altogether, I say absolutely not! You can't cut out everything you enjoy! You just need to find alternatives.

So that's it for now. I'll update once again soon as there are many controversial topics I'd like to discuss, I just need to prepare. Until then, everyone enjoy their week! :)

Feeling Disgusted with Myself

Ok so I have to get this out. Lately I've just been feeling frustrated with my overall health, not just my weight.
I warn my readers that this entry is a personal entry meant only to speak about what I'm feeling at this moment about my overall health. I will say a few things may be too much info for some so if you're ok with a little bit of that then please continue, if not then find another blog because I'm opening myself up here. Without doing so I really won't go anywhere.

It's been one thing after another of colds, flus, chest infections, aches and pains, headaches and migraines and sore muscles and stomach and bowel issues. I find that every time I get overheated it's like I have IBS and I have to be glued to the throne. It's not a good thing let me tell you and reminds me of when I was younger and constipated where I had to drink this special herbal tea my mother made me have called Senna tea, of which it was a laxative that assisted over the course of the day and by the time I got home and off the bus from school I'd be running to the washroom in cramping pain just to go. I had to learn to hold it on the bus and learn to try to ignore the excruciating cramps that I had to suffer through all the way home. And to think that no one knew why I would tear up or that I was in that much suffering. Now it's like it's the opposite, I eat certain things that agitates my belly or I get overly heated and it agitates it and in the most inconvenient times! I've also had multiple colds and flus and a chest infection that I had to get a second opinion about to get antibiotics and took me two to three weeks to get over. I have asthma too and so this weather is not helping when I walk.

I've tried lately to stick to walking to work now that the weather is starting to warm up and change but mother nature is not always co-operative here in Canada and so we've had snow, rain, ice, cold, warm etc. on all ends of the spectrum. I'm in Ontario and am thankful we didn't have the storm that hit the east coast this week. But still to have such changing weather is causing all sorts of havoc on my body including pressure headaches and just being sick. It's like it's a breeding ground for germs. Not to mention the mold still in my apartment which right now there isn't much I can do about it sadly.

Now onto my weight issues, as some of you know from my elementary and high school and even college days, once upon a time, I could eat whatever I wanted to without gaining an inch. In fact in college I'd consider myself too thin at the time, seeing my ribs in the mirror and there were a lot of people saying I needed to eat more. But I was more active back then, walking to and from, taking the stairs with a full backpack and laptop on my back and working out with a friend. Back then I weighed a whopping 98lbs when I came home from third year and you'd think that I would have gained the freshmen 15 but it's like I lost it. I only went from a size 6 to a size 8 over the full three years of college and I graduated at the age of 25-26 years old. I am now 31, weigh 183lbs, am a size 18 pant and sit most of the time. It isn't even my eating habits entirely though admittedly I probably eat a little bit more than I did then due to the fact I have money to do so and am on my own. That's a total of 85 lbs gained over the course of 6 years if not actually 4 because I weighed at least 100 at the time of switching careers exactly 4 years and 2 months ago.

This being said a lot of people may not have realized that back then I struggled with image issues. I wanted to stay fit and was proud of it yes but I had acne and still do, I still felt I was too short and wasn't confident in myself. Now I've gained some confidence and can carry myself on the phone and in person well but I know people judge me because of height, I don't wear make up and have acne and I am well... fat or at least I feel fat. Even my boobs droop and feel fat and are resting against my belly which is puffed out and sagging a little and pushing against my lower parts which also feel fat. And as Rosie O'Donnell told Oprah once in an interview, you don't feel sexy, you don't feel sexual at all when you look down and can't see your womanly parts, they become non existent almost. This is how I feel. I feel like every part of me is all puffed up like a puff pastry and though I can make myself look good I'm not healthy. I feel like all the weight is just holding me down. I even have stretch marks on my buttocks and my sides and my belly here and there and my boobs are itchy from dryness, chaffing of my bra and sagging and I can't wear a proper bra without hurting and having a wire hold them up proper and even that digs into me. Having them rest on my belly the way they are even is just.... well it feels horrible.

I feel disgusted when I look in the mirror. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here, dear readers I know that I've spoke out against body shaming. But even I am not immune to the over amounts of ads and social media and friends and family and people discussing it. Some of my favorite musical artists even are in that realm where they have "gotten rid of the post baby belly" and all this other stuff about working out and how to get those awesome abs and arms and buns etc. and are photoshopped among other things. Some speak out about it and against body shaming but they all work out etc.,they have money, time, training. I have none of that. I have work, bills to pay, stress and worry of what's has to be done and whether or not I have a secure job and if I'm going to hurt myself doing this or that and feel like I have no support sometimes. I feel like if I speak about it it's taboo. Everyone brushes it off and says either "no you're not fat" or "it's just water retention" or "you're so small already". Meanwhile I know that family and others actually think I'm fat because they've said so, to my face thank goodness for some but it all comes back to me.

I look at myself in the mirror and I should be accepting of myself but I'm not. I need a way to not only relearn to accept myself but do something fun and goal oriented that will allow for me to reach my goal of losing weight. I'm not wanting to be 98lbs again, but I would like to lose 58 of those pounds to be at my ideal weight of 125lbs. I'd like to feel that energy I had when I would dance around in my room every night to fun music and not care. I'd like to fit into that size 12 again or even a size 14 would be nice. I don't want to diet and go on an all smoothie diet or an all greens diet or take diet pills. I want to be able to get proper rest and eat whatever I want in moderation without worrying about calories this or calories that. I want to just eat real food. I want to be able to bend over to put my shoes on and not feel like everything in my stomach is being pushed upward and all squished to my chest.

So I'm asking my friends, I'm asking you to help me out in suggestions or even helping to just encourage me and show your support. We all want to be fit and healthy and be able to do stuff. However, I can't do it alone. I've tried. I've tried working out, I've tried being active and eating better but without support or someone to just cheer me on I just feel unmotivated and sad and depressed. I need a cheer team! I need a team of friends and like a mouse with the cheese at the end of the tunnel I need something that I can reward myself with at the end of each marker. An idea I thought of would be that if anyone would like to do some activities together that would be awesome because as a team, though aspiring to maybe a different weight or goal, the ultimate goal is the same, be healthy and have fun doing it.

I thank those that read my posts and look forward to you guys and gals giving me some suggestions. :) Have a good week everyone! (or month! I promise there will be more to come as I've had an accumulation of topics!).

Media, Bullying and Body Image

So much has happened since my last post and again I'm sorry dear readers for not getting back on track. Work and looking for a new job as well as being sick once again, it's like it's never ending being sick with these colds and flu symptoms. I guess such is the life of working in a call center. This time, and as I write this, I'm still ill with a chest infection and no voice. I have a major cough that comes and goes and is right into my chest and it sometimes hurts to even take a breath. I did go to the doctor and they told me the basics, sweat it out, get rest, use vaporub and take Advil, although I am also using a cough syrup for the mucus and phlegm which is helping significantly. Ginger ale is helping as well along with lots of chicken soup. It's interesting how chicken anything seems to help when one is ill.

Onto other topics of this week's entry, I'd like to address media, bullying and female body image this week. Yes I've addressed it before and I'll keep addressing it especially since it's in the media so much. In fact I think part of my addressing it so much is because I'm addressing my own image, my own self esteem. I personally have been the subject of bullying and yes I admit that I bully myself. It's not right and I have to get out of it but how? Well hopefully with support and with writing this I will eventually.

Body shaming is a topic that has been brought up in the media especially of late concerning the show "The Biggest Loser". Now I admit I've never watched it. I've never been inclined to do so nor buy the games or work out videos. Why? Because it's called "The Biggest Loser", why would I want to buy something or watch something that makes it sound that you're a loser if you're big? I have heavy friends and none of them are losers in any sense of the word. Why do we subject ourselves to this nonsense? It's not about losing weight in a healthy manner, it's about winning a game show by losing the weight the fastest and in an unsafe or unhealthy manner. The winner this year admits that perhaps she lost the weight too fast and personally after looking at her before and after, I feel that she could actually benefit from gaining a few pounds because her frame was built for it. You need some flesh on your bones. Now admittedly this also goes to the flip side too, because I also have friends who are super thin who can't gain any weight at all. But I feel that their body structure and genetics have determined this and that doesn't make who they are inside, they also aren't losers.

It annoys me too when we're watching tv and these "reality" tv shows, which aren't "reality" at all because they aren't realistic, even my father agrees with this in general discussion and feels annoyed by them, and those people that are heavy themselves are doing the shaming. I was sitting one day with colleagues and there was a show on tv about these people who are 600 lbs overweight and have gotten surgery and their success in keeping it off or not. It follows their life and diet a while before and after the surgery and how they are doing. Ok so some of them do well and some of them needed it because otherwise they wouldn't have lived much longer if they hadn't but some go into a slump, some don't know what else to do with themselves. I've read and seen people talk about this and how they went from "fat" to "slim" and found themselves looking at someone new in the mirror. They don't know who they are, they feel they've lost their identity. So they go into depression, they have people complimenting them on their new figure and such but then they just feel that the outside is what made them and that's all that's important. Why do we do this? Here my colleagues are laughing at these people that can't make it, that go into this slump and laughing at them because they're fat or heavy, and here I'm listening to them thinking, this shows what kind of people you really are to make fun of what some would consider a weakness.

It's not just shows, it's also advertising, we think for example that to be sexy we have to wear said perfume and to get the guy we have to have perfect hair and make up and clothes. Do we? We are independent women. What are we teaching our daughters? What are we teaching our sons? Here are just  three articles that I found, one about bullying  another about the "mother wound" and another about how sexualized ads are affecting us.  Also too why are we playing around with the idea of a "fat" barbie? This annoys me too. Barbie was meant to be a doll, exactly that a doll, not a role model, a play thing. Our mothers and fathers should be our role models. Yes I played with dolls, yes my sister played with them, heck even my brother played with dolls! There is nothing wrong with it! We used to dress up, play with make up, dress like clowns, dig in the dirt and build forts, climb trees, help mom in the kitchen and help dad in the backyard. It didn't matter if it was a "girl" thing or a "boy" thing to do! We looked to our parents to guide us not Barbie. Barbie wasn't my perfect figured woman in the first place when I looked at her, sure she was pretty and stuff and had cool clothes,but that just inspired me to make my own! My sister and I used to play around with fabric with our own bodies and our dolls, we used piece things together. We didn't watch a lot of tv growing up. So why are we now having it so that we're playing with the notion that Barbie is such a role model that we have to make her look "fat" or "slim" or just the right proportions? Yes she should perhaps be a normal looking person and when you actually were to put her dimensions in real life she's unrealistic to a T but should we be like her? No. Here is the debate. And here is more about the Human Barbie whom I feel needs some serious counselling and is in delusions. She really needs help! Please feel free to weigh in with comments below.

Now here is a media spark that I loved and I loved this reporter for doing this response, see the video here. Sometimes someone else just says certain things better than I or yourself can so I thought I'd share. I'd also like to share this lady's response as well to this media epidemic here. And lastly to end this on a good note that there are good Samaritans and that out there we do not approve of bullying as a whole, and though this happened back in October, it's still a good thing that people can still stand up together. Here is the article and this is what we should be doing.

I end this entry now with hopes that this will spark some discussion. If you're a friend on my facebook feel free to post comments on the facebook post or feel free to comment here. :) Otherwise have a good week and if I don't write next week well, keep on the look out for at least two entries for March! Take care friends!

Mental Health Affecting Teens and Veterans and Obesity vs Our Protective Forces

Hello everyone!! I'm so sorry I haven't written for the entire month of January. I kind of took a month hiatus. That being said my health has not been the greatest. Since not having a massage over the holidays I found that my stress levels went up, my anxiety was high and on top of it all I was sick with the flu for quite some time. I am however recovered and as for the rest of January, I have gotten a couple of massages which have helped significantly. Not to mention that I am looking for a new job. Though any job can be potentially high stress depending on its nature, I need a new one. I need to get out of the work environment that I am in overall. 

January was also mental health month. Bell held their now annual "Let's Talk" day on the 28th of January as well. That being said I have been reading and looking at multiple reports about mental health and body health. I'm going to start with mental health and a report I watched on W5, a show here in Canada addressing multiple different issues in the world particularly here in my own country. What they started with was stress and teen suicide, particularly those in college and the fact that it is on the rise. They are trying many efforts to make people more aware of mental health issues and stress to lower this. However there are a lot of factors that come into play when going to college or even just an entirely new situation that thrusts you into what you feel like is "alone". I know, because I've done it several times over. But unlike me there are a lot of young people that can't handle it and have no where to turn or feel that they don't or won't speak about it because yes, it is still taboo to talk about anything wrong with you. The report spoke to one young lady who was even kicked out of her residency by vote of her peers because she attempted suicide. Instead of helping her, instead of being a friend or providing support they thrust her into a more of an alone state because of this taboo, as if you're going to "catch it". Now she does charity work and does a lot to try to help others and has graduated because she did get the assistance she needed. She suffers from depression which is also a more and more common thing now a days too among a variety of ages.  I don't suffer from depression, not in the way that those diagnosed with it do. I do suffer from anxiety and sometimes social anxiety, I know several peers and coworkers that also suffer from depression and my mother suffers from schizophrenia which has been misdiagnosed by many doctors and has an even stronger stigma. 

I grew up with this. I felt alone, I felt overwhelmed and I struggled through a lot. I survived. I know that there are many others out there that are going or have gone through the same thing who think that suicide is the only way out. I thought that way too. I thought that there was no one there to help me and that those that were there couldn't understand or weren't seeing what I was seeing because I was a child and they were the adult. I was being brainwashed by my mother, who at the time because of her illness would manipulate the situations we were in, to believe that my father was a horrible abusive person which he is not. I'll make it clear that he definitely is not and is one of the kindest people you'll ever meet. But in her mind, in her delusional state, that is what she led us to believe and that's what she believed and there were many times she also turned this on me. Led me to believe that I too was a horrible manipulative person who didn't care and was some kind of monster or dirty horrible person. I have low self esteem. I don't blame her per se, she couldn't help her illness, and there is a lot that was fueled by other things and some of it was my own doing as I got older, to allow other people and bullying to bring me to that state. I even wanted to run away and die in the forest near my school, and I thank a very special person, he knows who he is and I will forever be grateful , who turned me around. He came back and got me when I wouldn't come back in and told me I have something to live for. That I could make a different and that I have people who look to me like my siblings. And that's just it, you need to know there is something to live and fight for even if it's a memory of someone, to bring their story to everyone else, to help others, to do something somewhere somehow that is great and awesome no matter how small it may seem. That simple smile or laugh can brighten someone's lives! It can be that simple turning point that you don't even know about. Just helping someone pick up their groceries or when they're having a tough day, you don't have any idea what those little things can truly mean to someone. So when you think of suicide, when you think you're at the lowest low, know that there is something and someone that you can influence and that you have your part in this world and it's not over yet! 

Moving on, the report also focused on soldiers coming back from war that aren't getting help. They're poor, broke and broken. Mentally, physically. They go back and their families get broken and torn apart. Why? Because of Post traumatic stress disorder or aka ptsd. They get filled with drugs and such to "help" them and this is certainly not helping. In fact it is making most worse. So there is a new program here that they are trying using service dogs. :) This makes me happy because it gives a good dog a home and they can be trained and it's helping these men and women who are coming back from traumatic and trained experiences to be on alert and watching over their back every second. Even the slightest popping sound could set them off or upset them and there are settings like malls that are overcrowded and overwhelming with people and noise and having a partner to watch your back is a comforting and great thing to have. Thing is of course pharmaceutical companies don't want to give up and want to make money so they are trying to say at one point that these dogs don't work and drugs do but they have a higher success rate than the drugs. These men and women are paying for their dog and any training etc. required because the government wouldn't pay for it deeming it not a medical item that they could cover, again because the companies want money. 

I don't understand why the government, or anyone, other than control purposes and money, would want a bunch of people on drugs rather than a functioning healthy workforce/country. They want us to be all drug addicts and blinded so that they can do what they want with us. Ok ok... maybe I won't get into the conspiracy theories right now, however they are going through my head and I'm sure they go through many other people's heads too! 

Moving on, speaking of armed forces and such, I read another report in the local paper a few weeks ago that indicated that our Canadian forces and Police officers are now considered overweight. They have to meet certain standards to qualify not just with mental tests but physical and most entrants can't meet that. I know I couldn't but then I wasn't aiming to be part of the military etc. however I can't even lift my own weight like I used to. I've gained too much. Thing is that we've become what you see on tv, those doughnut eating officers and some of them can't run, roll or jump or do what is expected to really protect our country and or cities/towns. I'm not expecting super abs or anything like Arnold but being fit would be expected if  you are going to do these things and I would think that you would meet the tests. I can understand getting older, sitting behind a desk all day, as what I do and can attest to that you do get older and fatter sitting all day, however if you're out and about  you should be required to walk and you should be required not to sit in your car all day. You should be required to go to the gym at least 3 -5 times a week as part of your regimen for these fields of work. I've seen fitter nurses and doctors than I do officers and that says something! 

And that's a wrap for this week's post. I'll be trying for the month of February to do more and write again once per week. I definitely have accumulated some topics to speak about over the holidays etc. Again anyone who has suggestions can feel free to comment.  Take care everyone!!