Health update

Keeping everyone up to date this week because I finally got the blood work results back from the doctor that I had done about a month ago or so. Found out that in fact I am near anemic and near diabetic. This just means that apparently the levels of iron and I guess it was insulin if my memory serves me correctly are not where they should be. Actually they have be on iron and B12 supplements to assist in creating more red blood cells etc.

This being said it doesn't surprise me. My mother has both for starters and finding this out just rules out other things I thought and worried could be wrong with me and is the primary cause of my black outs and being so super exhausted all the time. Not to mention that it is also linked in with my anxiety and my restless leg syndrome. No one really knows the cause of restless leg but iron deficiency is believed to be one of the causes. Anxiety as well is being triggered by these things which did surprise me a bit, though I do know why I've been depressed and more irritable. And perhaps this is something that some people don't realize is that there is an underlying cause of some of these odd behaviors such as having to eat at certain times and feeling crappy and snippy and sometimes dizzy and very sick. It was because of my sugar and iron levels were not where they were supposed to be. Some people actually thought I was acting all this time or being childish or over-dramatic or even saying that I was a hypochondriac!

The doctor basically told me that I should change a bit of my diet, also workout a bit more or even just walk and I told her that I already walk 40 min to work, a total of 80 min both ways on four days of the week. She was shocked and told me that I should do some more light work outs especially to lose my belly as all my weight is in my middle and dangerous for diabetes. However I also have a pinched nerve somewhere in my lower back she determined as being the root cause of my lower back pain and my left leg being so difficult to move. I can't even bend or do much to put shoes and socks on, sometimes even pants get hard to get on and off. My belly being in the way yes but she told me that the pinched nerve is the cause of the pain and stiffness. So she told me to do further stretching and to put a heating pad or cold pack, whichever I prefer, on my back and that should help loosen up the nerve and assist with the pain.

I think in all honesty now that I've seen the doctor about it and know the cause I have a better understanding of what's wrong and what to do about it. Now to get up off my lazy bum and do stuff. I've been feeling so down and tired and crappy and sick that I just haven't done anything. People don't understand either. I think too that even those who have pain or other illnesses sometimes don't understand or don't want to because they're so involved in their own or they don't feel that anyone else could understand their pain that they just don't want to hear about it. As if talking about it is a negative thing when in fact it can be healing to know someone does understand. In some cases some people think that their pain is a competition or greater than someone else's when really it could be and most likely is just as equal if not just as important. Especially when it's a loved one.

Ok so perhaps I speak about it, I feel it should be spoken about. And maybe before I complained a bit much to certain people, people I thought would listen and understand or thought they would suggest things to help because they care. But I suppose even then, people don't want to hear about other people's suffering.

Someone like my niece, 4 years old and she was always with a smile even when she was in pain and she always asked us, "are you ok?" and we would always respond so she didn't worry "yes I'm ok, are you ok?" when really emotionally and sometimes physically we were suffering too. But she, at 4, cared and understood. She understood that face, the one of a stiff upper lip and don't cry be happy and move on that so many of us put on a daily basis, even at work I always say "I'm living", "I'm here". She was a wise and very intuitive little girl. I miss her and I think that the one thing that makes me want to move on and keep going and fighting and putting that smile on every day no matter what illnesses I get or how much pain I'm in or how old I get, is her. I can imagine her up in heaven dancing to Adam Lambert (her fave singer) or cheering her aunties on while dancing to Zumba and Just dance (one of her fave songs "Lollipop" is on game 3) free of pain and saying "you can do it!" And when I get up there, when I'm old and grey, yep I am gonna say "I did it!" and I'll be dancing up there with her. She lived life even if it was a short one.

I don't say my pain is greater than hers, in fact what greater pain can you be in as a child with leukemia? I'm not saying that my pain is greater than family who have emotional and physical issues that cause their suffering and some days they feel like they can't get out of bed either.  But what I am saying is that I feel like my pain is just as important and that I feel the need to share my emotions and about my physical health, in order for me to get better. To feel better and to live. I can't keep laying on the couch, or overindulging in junk food here and there. I miss my family, I feel I have no one most days. The only support some days I feel I have is... me. But again I can't keep putting myself down, I can't keep saying no or I can't or it hurts so I give up. It's all in baby steps.

So this week coming up, baby steps. I'm going to start with the eating and supplements and then doing a bit of a workout before bed, even if it's pilates or basic yoga on the Wii fit. The doctor told me to check my weight in 6 months time and more blood work in 3 months time. So we'll see what happens and we'll keep a record of it. :)

Now it's off for well needed sleep because it's going to be a long four days of 10-12 hour shifts of sitting. I can do it!