I'm going to start off with the fact that over the past week or so I admittedly have not been feeling so great. I've had colds, flus, sinus infection, cluster/migraine/tension headaches like crazy and just this Monday practically lost my voice taking yet another day off work. :( I don't want to lose my job or use up all my family emergency days in but a few months however when I'm sick , I'm sick.
I can't sleep well because of the illnesses and my restless leg syndrome and stress because of this. Work alone is stressful. I really need to find a new job and perhaps even a new place to live because quite simply, the mold is still there and pretty sure it's still growing despite the mold killer. They never did come back to check it. I believe that it could even be the stresses that are actually making me sick. They say that stress can bring on these cold or flu like symptoms and certainly they bring on headaches.
All this being said I've been lazy, forgone my workouts and threw my eating habits out the window leading now to have gained back 2.2 kg.. wait yep that's right my 4lbs I lost just 15 days ago has now come back to haunt me. Time to get back into things. My self esteem is not doing the best either, I look in the mirror and I think I'm fat and here comes Valentine's day. I hate this day because 1. it's so commercial and 2. it makes me feel lonely and want to eat more chocolate and junk. And that's just what I've done today is eat pizza and wings (because you know you only live once lol! and I craved it!). I also had pop. Probably accounts for most of the weight and I'll see perhaps more so by the end of next week how I'm doing. I want to lose at least 1 pound maybe 2?
I must say though I was successful yesterday in getting a lot of healthy things including pita bread and hummus! both good options for a healthy snack along with cantaloupe and blackberries. I also have some lettuce and spinach as well to make some salads. I think that I just need to stay focused, my problem is that I can't seem to get up off my butt and do something sometimes and I have no motivation on some days because I'm just so exhausted after work. I might also get back into taking my vitamins, I have some but forget they're even there in my medicine cabinet.
I also admit that I'm very lonely, and doing a workout or active game or something of the sort with someone is a little more motivating than doing it alone. I remember one of my friends and I going to the gym once a week while in college. I didn't really want to go at first because I felt it silly but it really was de-stressing and doing it once a week actually made me feel good. I miss it actually but can't afford to go anywhere or go to the gym. And I know that my friends have their schedules and issues and family. Perhaps if I just designated one day alone to doing that 20 min to an hour workout every week I'd start to feel better too? I just sit way way too much at work or home.
If any of you care to share any of your suggestions, like one friend has about more vitamin D and also juicing which seems to work for them, then please share. I've never tried juicing and don't think I'd get into it because there is too much involved and can get expensive but eating healthy doesn't mean things have to be liquefied to do so either. But , do what you feel is right for you and what works but please I strongly advise do it safely and consult a doctor before going on any one extreme diet.
If anyone can find this book "No Fat Chicks" by Terry Poulton (I lost my copy after lending it to someone who never returned it sadly), then please read it! It's an amazing book that got me thinking about self image etc. when I was in grade 10. I looked at other girls who were thin very differently after reading it and worried about them. Especially after taking fashion class and going on a class trip where after we saw a tour of a college, we had a dinner at the college restaurant. There we had salad, which for me was ok, needed more umph and flavor to it but all the girls dived in and ate it, then we had cheesecake ! All the girls practically turned theirs down or couldn't eat but two bites and said they were full so I ended up scarfing down anyone who would pass me theirs including my own. I love flavor, I love sweets and I love healthy but my goodness. I've never seen so many girls concerned over their weight after eating nothing but salad not even a big one with barely anything in it, and give up cheesecake! I am sorry, yes back then my metabolism was different and I didn't seem to gain a thing and at 30 I'm making up for it I'm sure but at least I say I lived and enjoyed and I wasn't about to let a single piece of that yummy cake go to waste! This book was a door into my seeing these eating disorders, to seeing myself a little bit and wanting to say.. you know what it's ok to have weight on my bones. It's ok not to go on those fad diets or overly workout. Because yes, working out can kill you. In fact Canada hides it more than the states does but we have a high death rate with people who go on fad diets and work out that are not being monitored properly than we do car accidents. This was a 1990's book, I'd say copyright 1996 or so and stats may change however this lady did her research. She's Canadian and a reporter for known papers and magazines and even went through a horrible spell like Oprah (another one that I admire) where they chronicled her weight loss, an unhealthy way of doing things speedily, destructively and stressful emotionally.
Though my self esteem has been in the dumps a bit, I still go back to when I read this book or I look at some famous people like Stevie Nicks who has seemingly aged gracefully, dresses modestly and has gained weight just about everywhere over the years. She's been through a lot too and is single last I checked. But she's proud of it, a proud single auntie. And you know what.. so am I. I just have to think positively. I encourage you all this week to take a look at yourself, and find something you're proud of that you've accomplished or that you're satisfied with on your body. I know we've talked about this sort of exercise before at the beginning of my blog but I want you to do it again.
Again staying positive here ;) I must for my own well being! Good luck and despite my saying I hate V-day... I do wish everyone else who does celebrate a happy Valentine's day. Just remember if you're alone like me... well don't go for all that chocolate! lol!
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