Shift bid, Food, Sleep, Apocalypse!?

I apologize for not writing last week everyone. I honestly was not feeling all that well and quite stressed due to what was an upcoming shift bid as well as the anniversary of my niece's passing from leukemia in Feb 19, 2011.

I've mentioned my niece briefly before and all I have to say right now is that she taught me to live life as much as possible. You don't have forever, some don't even get a year, some don't get even as much as she did at 4 years. And she was one wise and brave little cookie our little Leah! So don't waste your life!! Don't waste it living all for others and doing what everyone else wants you to do or what society wants. Be you and be free! Enjoy the simple things and look up and enjoy and see the beauty that can be and is there. Open up your mind and your eyes and your heart!

Going forward, I now have my shift and can honestly say I'm glad I still have my Tuesday and Wednesday off, in fact I will have an additional day off because I chose to take a 4x10 shift. Now while some might throw their arms up and say "hell no! I will never take that" and normally I would say the same thing, looking at my health and looking at the other shifts etc. I'd say that this was the better option for me and might actually turn out to be what I need. I spend on average an extra hour at work chatting, waiting for a ride or on a long call anyway so why not spend that time effectively on call in a 4 day 10 hour period with an hour lunch and two 15 min breaks rather than waste it? Also I then have 4 days to walk to work instead of 5 and quite honestly I just simply can't do five days anymore. I want an extra day off. It's going to make for long days yes but I know I can handle it.

I've also been thinking about a lot of topics for upcoming posts. I need ideas. So I went idea hunting. Most are probably going to be the same but as I said this journal isn't just about health in general but also my own. So topics for this week: salads, recipes,sleep, general safety, apocalypse.

To start, salads, yes the ultimate healthy food item we all want to go for right? Fruits and veggies and the like with nice dressing but is it really that healthy? Well in Shape magazine online they recently posted an article about the 12 worst salads, but honestly any salad really can be bad for you if you make it and let it and it's like saying salt is bad for you or sugar, is it really? It is in large doses. They also had a yahoo report I came across that said that our ancestors, before the industrial revolution etc. right down to near neanderthal, had better oral health than we do due to the lack of certain bacteria in their mouths. In fact they said that we are now in a constant state of diseased mouths because of the amount of sugar, processed foods etc. that we put into our bodies and not only is it our teeth, but our bellies!

I might also add that yes veggies are awesome and I have been eating a lot of them lately, admittedly with dip however, when you think about it in the end also, they're just as dangerous because we put chemicals all over them, even the highly "organic" stuff. So is it really "organic"? And some veggies that we put in salads etc. are actually higher in content of chemicals because of these chemical sprays apparently. So my question then, is anything truly good for us at all? If we have to wear masks to spray chemicals and pesticides on our veggies to keep bugs away then is it actually safe to eat? Well we have to eat right? But did our ancestors use pesticides? No, hence why they were probably a bit healthier than we are. This will lead to my last topic listed soon enough.

Moving on, recipes! I intend on trying a recipe every week, least that is my intention as well as trying to exercise every week but I admit that I too can fall off the bandwagon and end up eating.. yes that's right, a whole bag of chips! :( However, I will be trying this with my step mom and my dad so hopefully we have some good choices and some healthy things to post soon enough. One of my first things is to make a non pepper mango/avacado salsa. I don't know how it will turn out but we shall see! Probably good pairing it with salmon perhaps or even just on simple tortilla chips. I've never tried using cilantro before, so I'll have to get some and see how that goes. :)

Sleep, well we all need sleep and I've been sleeping more and more lately. I don't know if it's because of stress or not but it is a sign that my body is trying to heal itself. Get to know your body everyone because if it hurts, is tired and you're passing out before regular bedtime, that's a sign your body needs more rest or something could be wrong. I know last night I had a decent sleep though I also have restless leg syndrome which is a pain! I twitch everywhere some nights because it doesn't just go to your legs either. For those who have it and  who do not want to take medicine for RLS try yoga, stretching and perhaps a bean bag of cold or warmth. I tend to go towards warm since cold seems to make it worse.

General safety, I bring this up because of recent events with not only myself but my family members using power tools. All I can say is have someone around or if you're going to crash your arm into the corner of a glass/metal table or try to cut your fingers off, then please don't make a mess and scare everyone! I got a big bruise from running into the table alone and a family member nearly lost their finger, not sure the scenario there but it's still better to be on the safe side. If using power tools remember what the shop class teacher told you (or your parents) , don't put your fingers in front of the blade!!, wear safety glasses and know at all times where the emergency switch is. Oh and also while walking on ice, make sure to wear good grip shoes! Or in my case waddle as carefully as possible like a penguin and take your time so you don't slip and fall and end up on your bum like I have so many times over the past 2 weeks or so and pulling muscles in my legs or hips. (That's for those of you who live where there is ice!).

Lastly, apocalyptic tales have gotten me to thinking about this topic. It might be a very depressing subject and some might not want to go there or even think about it but with recent TV shows like the Walking Dead, among other movies etc. and the thought we were all going to die come 2013, well it's gotten me thinking and looking around at things and the world we live in. Could we survive? Is this or would it be mother nature's way of getting rid of a virus that's us?We are you know! We are a parasite, living off mother earth as a host but she doesn't need us. We consume everything and destroy like a virus. Think of the Matrix, they had it right in that movie that we're viruses but are machines any better since we created machines? I think of terminator when I think machines also. And when it comes to zombies, well it's nothing more than a plague in which we already went through one and if  you think of it it's like another virus or parasite mother nature created consuming us to consume each other to get rid of us on mother earth. It's a form of cancer. Makes sense right? And only some of us might survive if it doesn't affect crops and animals because both plants and animals have an order of things that we disrupt with our meddling. Survival of the fittest or survival of the most enhanced immune system? I was reading somewhere that bats, bats carry the most viruses and can carry them similarly to rodents, without even being effected. While watching "Fringe" it was noted and quite likely when you think about it, that because bats can do this they can also be a good bonding blood type when creating genetic species, cures etc. This is why they use rats and mice etc. in labs I suspect. Not that I'm not against testing on animals, I think it's cruel of course but I hate to say it but rats and mice though they can be cute, can also be a plague as well because of the ability of carrying diseases like bats do. Only bats have a larger population and fly and carry even more!!

That being said also make sure your pets have all their shots if they are outside animals etc. and make sure again, general safety, take precautions for your kids and yourself. That doesn't always mean go out and get flu shots and antibiotics either people because I firmly believe that you should allow your body to build it's own immune system. I read one report not long ago that certain new vaccines don't do anything and actually we've made it so that our bodies are too used to vaccines that the new strains of flu and colds and other diseases like whooping cough are actually becoming more apparent and at an all time high! Now isn't that a scary thought?!

Anyway, I'm sure I'll touch base on the above subjects again at some point with more thoughts but that's all I have for now.

And now everyone, I'm off to do some cooking and spending time with my family :) Spend as much time with family and friends as you can and live like it's your last!  Until next week!!

Staying on the Positive!

I'm going to start off with the fact that over the past week or so I admittedly have not been feeling so great. I've had colds, flus, sinus infection, cluster/migraine/tension headaches like crazy and just this Monday practically lost my voice taking yet another day off work. :( I don't want to lose my job or use up all my family emergency days in but a few months however when I'm sick , I'm sick.

I can't sleep well because of the illnesses and my restless leg syndrome and stress because of this. Work alone is stressful. I really need to find a new job and perhaps even a new place to live because quite simply, the mold is still there and pretty sure it's still growing despite the mold killer. They never did come back to check it.  I believe that it could even be the stresses that are actually making me sick. They say that stress can bring on these cold or flu like symptoms and certainly they bring on headaches.

All this being said I've been lazy, forgone my workouts and threw my eating habits out the window leading now to have gained back 2.2 kg.. wait yep that's right my 4lbs I lost just 15 days ago has now come back to haunt me. Time to get back into things. My self esteem is not doing the best either, I look in the mirror and I think I'm fat and here comes Valentine's day. I hate this day because 1. it's so commercial and 2. it makes me feel lonely and want to eat more chocolate and junk. And that's just what I've done today is eat pizza and wings (because you know you only live once lol! and I craved it!). I also had pop. Probably accounts for most of the weight and I'll see perhaps more so by the end of next week how I'm doing. I want to lose at least 1 pound maybe 2?

I must say though I was successful yesterday in getting a lot of healthy things including pita bread and hummus! both good options for a healthy snack along with cantaloupe and blackberries. I also have some lettuce and spinach as well to make some salads. I think that I just need to stay focused, my problem is that I can't seem to get up off my butt and do something sometimes and I have no motivation on some days because I'm just so exhausted after work. I might also get back into taking my vitamins, I have some but forget they're even there in my medicine cabinet.

I also admit that I'm very lonely, and doing a workout or active game or something of the sort with someone is a little more motivating than doing it alone. I remember one of my friends and I going to the gym once a week while in college. I didn't really want to go at first because I felt it silly but it really was de-stressing and doing it once a week actually made me feel good. I miss it actually but can't afford to go anywhere or go to the gym. And I know that my friends have their schedules and issues and family. Perhaps if I just designated one day alone to doing that 20 min to an hour workout every week I'd start to feel better too? I just sit way way too much at work or home.

If any of you care to share any of your suggestions, like one friend has about more vitamin D and also juicing which seems to work for them, then please share. I've never tried juicing and don't think I'd get into it because there is too much involved and can get expensive but eating healthy doesn't mean things have to be liquefied to do so either. But , do what you feel is right for you and what works but please I strongly advise do it safely and consult a doctor before going on any one extreme diet.

If anyone can find this book "No Fat Chicks" by Terry Poulton (I lost my copy after lending it to someone who never returned it sadly), then please read it! It's an amazing book that got me thinking about self image etc. when I was in grade 10. I looked at other girls who were thin very differently after reading it and worried about them. Especially after taking fashion class and going on a class trip where after we saw a tour of a college, we had a dinner at the college restaurant. There we had salad, which for me was ok, needed more umph and flavor to it but all the girls dived in and ate it, then we had cheesecake ! All the girls practically turned theirs down or couldn't eat but two bites and said they were full so I ended up scarfing down anyone who would pass me theirs including my own. I love flavor, I love sweets and I love healthy but my goodness. I've never seen so many girls concerned over their weight after eating nothing but salad not even a big one with barely anything in it, and give up cheesecake! I am sorry, yes back then my metabolism was different and I didn't seem to gain a thing and at 30 I'm making up for it I'm sure but at least I say I lived and enjoyed and I wasn't about to let a single piece of that yummy cake go to waste!  This book was a door into my seeing these eating disorders, to seeing myself a little bit and wanting to say.. you know what it's ok to have weight on my bones. It's ok not to go on those fad diets or overly workout. Because yes, working out can kill you. In fact Canada hides it more than the states does but we have a high death rate with people who go on fad diets and work out that are not being monitored properly than we do car accidents. This was a 1990's book, I'd say copyright 1996 or so and stats may change however this lady did her research. She's Canadian and a reporter for known papers and magazines and even went through a horrible spell like Oprah (another one that I admire) where they chronicled her weight loss, an unhealthy way of doing things speedily, destructively and stressful emotionally.

Though my self esteem has been in the dumps a bit, I still go back to when I read this book or I look at some famous people like Stevie Nicks who has seemingly aged gracefully, dresses modestly and has gained weight just about everywhere over the years. She's been through a lot too and is single last I checked. But she's proud of it, a proud single auntie. And you know what.. so am I. I just have to think positively.  I encourage you all this week to take a look at yourself, and find something you're proud of that you've accomplished or that you're satisfied with on your body. I know we've talked about this sort of exercise before at the beginning of my blog but I want you to do it again.

Again staying positive here ;) I must for my own well being! Good luck and despite my saying I hate V-day... I do wish everyone else who does celebrate a happy Valentine's day. Just remember if you're alone like me... well don't go for all that chocolate! lol!

A Little About Gratitude

Today I would like to take a bit of time to talk about gratitude. After watching Oprah last Friday while I was at home ill I discovered some information about gratitude journals. Now this is apparently a technique used by some counselors as well. My e-counseling sessions have been complete for a month and a half now but when I did have them it was suggested that I also make a book positivity that I can look back on and to be creative about it. Well this I'm going to use in conjunction with a gratitude journal. On Oprah there was an interview with Sarah Ban Breathnach who wrote the books of "Simple Abundance" of which she speaks even on her site about keeping a gratitude journal. After listening to what she had to say and reading more about the book, which I'm tempted to get and read perhaps ,I decided that this would be a good way to look back on my life and think positive and actually help on those dark days where I feel depressed or down. There is after all a lot to be thankful for even on the bad days where everything just keeps going wrong.

Yesterday I took the time to go to Walmart and pick out a nice new journal just for this purpose. My step mom actually helped pick it out and I think she picked the perfect one (Thank you Rachel ;) ). Not only did it have nice ruled paper with butterflies but it also had a black textured hard cover with almost an embroidered butterfly patter on it which is nice because it's not just a reminder of my niece who loved them, the release of the butterfly in her honor by my sister but also the change and transformation that will and can happen upon giving thanks and by just trying to make change. We are all changing every day by doing even the simple things such as trying to eat right, trying to help others, trying to change the way we perceive and understand the world and we are constantly growing as people. 

I know a lot of people that suffer every day from negativity and from depression or who have suffered tragedy etc. in their lives and I know for myself it's something that I sometimes fall back into. I feel like there are days where I go into this dark hole and nothing seems bright. I look at myself negatively and even looking in the mirror I feel ugly and depressed and worthless. I feel fat and feel unhealthy. I some days look around me and think the world is a disgusting place. But by every day trying to think of something good that comes out of it I try to pull myself out of this. I strongly believe that, like keeping this online journal to help others and myself, that this process will also help. I also chose not to keep it online because I think if you're going to do it it should be hand written, it should be personal and should be something that you could have alone time with yourself to do and really contemplate on things. 

Now also too this lady has also written another book which is also geared towards couples apparently and it has helped in relationships too where communication is key but just not happening and by thanking each other and writing down what each of you are thankful for and discussing it then it can bring about further discussion and connection. I think that this could be done in a romantic relationship or even friendship or even among family members as well. One family they interviewed didn't know their daughter was keeping one and unfortunately upon her passing they discovered it and now they're sending out bookmarks with excerpts of her positive messages especially when they sent them to family members etc. who now know what they didn't truly know or perhaps think about or feel, that they were loved. Some people don't know until you tell them. 

I think that by saying thanks and saying what we should say in positive light that the world would just be a better place. We need more love in the world. However, I also must quote one of my favorite songs by Aqua, "if the world didn't suck we'd all fall off". And it's true, if it didn't we'd all be like on Serenity and all just go to sleep and not care and give up everything being either happy nor sad. You can't get rid of all the bad. The world is always made up of duality. With gratitude there is always ingratitude as well. But to keep balance we must have both, I just think we need more of one than the other. 

And that folks is my entry for this week. I hope all of you are putting your best foot forward and even if you don't give thanks in a journal, I hope you do take the time to be thankful for something, someone at some point during the day and say it or act  upon it. Believe me, it'll make you feel a whole lot better if you do even if it's just being grateful for a smile from a stranger or something else simple. :) Take care everyone, until next week!