So I've been doing a lot of thinking. As of late I feel sluggish and sick, sometimes I feel depressed and looking at my weight is making me feel pretty crappy. I was never this heavy. I know I recently celebrated my 30th birthday and being 30 does admittedly have it's toll because though to me it's not really a "special" number, neither has any other of my b-days, but it is a significant indicator that I'm older. I'm not that young girl anymore that can walk in and around town for hours or ride a bike for 4 hours without being overly exerted other than a touch of asthma. I used to dance in my bedroom for hours on end (with no one but my sister) and not get tired at all really. I drank plenty of water back then and ate salad pretty much entirely for one entire summer of my own choosing. I liked healthy and active and felt I had time for it.
Now, now I sit on my butt, I work at a call center and when I come home I watch tv, sit more at the computer and though I walk to and from work, it's just not enough. Just 5 years ago I was able to bend over no problem and tie my own shoes. Now, I can't even bend over to do so, I literally have to sit and even then my pants are too tight and I have a "muffin top"!! I had to literally buy slip on shoes! And even then they can be difficult to slip on without having to bend a little. My back isn't thanking me either for my weight, as my stomach clearly looks like I might even be pregnant if not wearing the right clothes to "hide" said muffin top and loose clothing and elastic jeans are not really what I'd like to be wearing. Neither is a size 14-18! I used to be a size 8 petite and my tops used to be medium or smalls not Large or Xlarge! My back hurts all the time as do my hips and all my joints, even my ankles can't handle it. I might look small, standing only 4'11" but weighing 157 lbs or more, my body structure, my bones and joints were not built to hold that much weight. I would love to see stretch marks (as I'm seeing a few on my buttocks and legs here and there because I walk) and then say I got rid of the weight and now I can work on making the skin look good.
All this has gotten me to think that starting tomorrow, though I don't have to get up til 8:30am , I will get up at 7:30 am. I will get up an hour earlier. And I don't think it's my eating habits as I eat well and don't try to eat junk. However I do need to drink more water and have more vitamins as I really don't think I get enough.
I will then work out for one hour every morning even if it's just doing stretches, maybe some wii , I mean why did I get those workout games if I'm not going to utilize them right? I love dance and doing them so why not do something fun with some pilates or yoga stuff from the wii fit? And then also too my intention is then to walk to work, I get the occasional ride home, then walk home sometimes, then when I come home work out for another hour doing something like ddr or zumba. I know it seems a lot for at least 5 days out of the week however, it needs to be done. And a recent report I found on share care indicates that we should be getting up every 30 minutes and moving. Therefore every 30 min or so I'll be standing while taking my phone calls at work. It might also seem or look silly to do stretches at work at my desk on break, however one gentleman at work does it and you know what it's not a bad idea. I think everyone should do it.
I didn't get these games, info, books, belly dance/hula/pilates/yoga videos or even my back deck, for no reason. I got them so I could work out and stay fit and healthy. So that I wouldn't be "fat". Again I may not look it to some but I feel it. My bmi is calculated in the obesity range according to the bmi calculator link. In fact when I was 98 lbs or anywhere up to 119 lbs is considered to be normal weight for my height. So that is my goal, to shed these pounds until I reach at least anywhere between 115 lbs and 119 lbs. That means a loss of minimum 38 lbs and a max of 42 lbs. My goal is set to be this weight by February maybe even March next year. Think I can do it?
Well like the little train that could, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can" and I will! My obstacle? Being lazy, sitting too much, being too tired and not keeping track of my progress. So goal 1. to keep track and start Thurs- Mon (my work week) of working out and doing basic things to start like 5 push-ups, 5 crunches and some stretches, and then a wii fit or wii workout game (like Excerbeat!) in the morning. Just getting out of bed can be a challenge especially for someone like myself who can feel depressed, doesn't really want to go to work nor loves her job and is in pain when I do get out of bed.
Not to mention, to update you on my mother's status. She is still in hospital last I checked but unfortunately she has made it so I have no rights to speak with doctors or nurses of her status and is convinced that she is going to go home soon. That being said I've decided I've done all I can and if no one wants to contact me like I've requested and put on file or are unable to give me information because she is now suddenly perhaps deemed sound of mind to make that decision after a doctor blatantly asking me if I could be the one to make those health decisions because she was not capable... then I wash my hands of it. For my own sanity I can't continue and if she is going to sue them, then let her and they'll see she needs more help. She is going to go off her medication, it's what she does. Unfortunate and sad, but I can't do anymore. My physical and mental and emotional well being is being put to the test and I'm drained. As my father said I can't beat myself up for it, after all she is an adult and has made the decision not to take her medication. She is part of society and I am not responsible for her actions as she nor anyone else is responsible for mine.
And now I bid you all ado because I'm heading to bed. Will you look at that! It's not the end of the world people, 12/12/12 and we lived. Looks like the Mayan calender just ran out of room after all ;).
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