I apologize for not writing last week however as some of you have noticed, not only life gets in the way but I unfortunately frequently fall ill with colds etc. and things can become well, admittedly depressing. I fight with emotions at times and there are days or weeks where I feel like doing nothing, and I feel down upon myself. I struggle with it on a daily basis.
This leads me yet again to a discussion about mental health. I'd like to share more of my story in hopes to help others with their struggles. Not only do I and other family members deal with bouts of depression and anxiety but my mother, as noted in another entry, fights with schizophrenia. I will be posting links to the link section shortly after writing this to the Schizophrenia Society of Canada and to Canadian Mental Health Association. The reason for this is because I strongly feel that people with mental health issues should be recognized as well as assisted and not pushed through the system as if they are nothing but a nuisance. This article outlines a fine example of this happening.
Another example is unfortunately, my mother. My mother was diagnosed when she was in her 20's with having this illness after a history of unfortunate drug abuse in the 70's and a miscarriage of her second child, what would have become my second half sibling. After the miscarriage she became increasingly ill due to post traumatic stress, she had spent time in and out of hospitals and getting the treatment that she needed however of course my half brother was put through the system and unfortunately we have been unable to connect to him. This is a story not uncommon to many who struggle with this illness and at the time, even more so then, no one knew how to really address it and was of the belief that she was a danger and that she was abusive or in some cases she seemed perfectly normal as if nothing was even happening at home etc.
Sadly that wasn't far from the truth in it's own sad way and later on 4 years ago I spoke to a doctor who advised me that is one of the few that is hard to diagnose and treat as she is on a fine line of knowing and unknowing, abusive and manipulative and at the same time unintentionally doing so. As children we were were unaware of her being off her medication at any given time and unknown to us she was on them but cutting the pills in half. So at least she was on something but, how were we or anyone to really know that she was on, or off it. We aren't babysitters and especially the spouses or children of people with illnesses like this, we don't know what to do, didn't have supports and didn't know who to turn to. We weren't knowledgeable about it. We're not doctors. Sadly also, no one has the right to keep her in hospital and so she even was able, with lawyers advice, sign herself out.
Later on as we grew older and there were a chain of events that occurred that split and tore our family apart. We tried to seek assistance but in the end, even at a shelter that we went to because the abuse had gotten bad enough verbally, mentally and emotionally (minimal physical abuse) , I was told by a counselor that it was I who was responsible for her and that I was to be taking care of her etc. But she is an adult and she should be able to take care of herself. She can when again, she is on meds. I found out that the police can't do anything, the mental health organizations can't do anything and neither can healthcare professionals until she herself seeks treatment or is a danger to herself or others. This unfortunately is law simply because too many take advantage of the system and were putting those who were sane where they shouldn't be and or locking them away in the old days as if they weren't people. People with mental illness, some the most part, can, if assisted properly, live on their own and take care of themselves and become full members of the community.
There are a variety of mental illnesses, some more extreme than others. That being said, what are those of us who are thrust into being a caregiver, or those with children that have illnesses like this to do? Where do we find the supports? Where does the law step in? It is very frustrating especially if a person who is, in my case, a parent, and full adult, has not designated and will not designate a power of attorney.
Here is another link for those who struggle with parents who older adults with various ailments where they can not assist themselves financially or for their own personal care. It's a document that outlines here in Ontario how to go about power of attorney (aka POA) for yourself or if a family member or government official can do so on your behalf if you do not designate someone.
This is very important and everyone should do this. I would probably designate my sister or depending on situation my step mother or father to be mine or if I perhaps had a spouse. But again what of those who don't have family and or spouses? That's when the government or the courts can then step in. Sadly this leaves me in a position where I have a choice, I can step away from it all and let them take over and leave her to the system to get lost in it and might not find the treatment and even end up in the court of law by hurting someone or doing some other act of criminal activity risking as the above article outlined being abused in the system, or I can decide to be her poa for personal care only as she is financially able to take care of things when she is of sound mind or on meds or even before when she was not she was still capable of paying her rent and bills etc. It's a very tough thing and something I fear being faced with.
I fear her control and I fear death too, as we all do but not of myself. No I fear the death of my loved ones and being alone. I fear dying alone but not of death itself. The thought of this brings depression and sadness but some kind of relief like when my little niece passed away with all her suffering finally gone it brought peace.
This is a thing we all face and it is something that ails us all, is what do we do with the loss of a loved one, if they are alive and not well and lost in mind, or lost by death. I will keep this journal updated with any information I find useful like the above links etc. on my journey with this. I don't believe anyone should go at this alone and I am also very thankful and lucky to have such supportive friends and family through it. I have also been told that there is right now a possible plan in place and so I shall have to wait, we must, on my mother's responses and behavior. If she becomes a danger to herself or others she can be put in the hospital and hopefully assessed. That's in all honesty, part of what I hope for.
I'd like to take a bit now to go slightly off topic and suggest reading this link about dealing with Occupational burnout. The reason I bring up this is because quite honestly this connects with other mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety etc. and is one of the leading causes of these type of illnesses even in short bouts just as seasonal depression is something we all suffer from. I know I strongly believe that I am suffering from burnout too. But on the bright side I am making a plan to try to help with this and create something happy in my life. I have to stay positive right?
I leave you now with these thoughts, as sad as they are yes, but be wise and designate someone, talk to family members about doing so for yourself or them and don't forget, spend as much time as possible with loved ones because you never know what might happen the very next day.. few hours or minutes. Every second counts to show them you care and love them, even if on some days they believe, feel or even forget that you do or who you even are.
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