Update and Goals part 2.

Goals:
So I weighed myself the other day and I weighed in at 165 lbs!! This being said I must lose at least 50 lbs to be a normal weight. My goal then is by the summer to lose that 50 and by March I'm hoping to have lost 25lbs. I am also keeping a record of how I feel and what I've done as exercise. Below at the end of the post is the image of what I'm doing.
I will try to keep up with this or at least try to keep up with working out. Tonight is my rest night though as I didn't get much sleep last night for the stressful day ahead today.

Update on Mom:
This past week has been a bit stressful for me. I saw my mother for the first time in 3 years physically rather than just speaking with her on the phone. We had a hearing with a review board about her well being today, Wednesday Dec 19th, and I was able to speak with the doctor before hand. He was very confident and sure that she needed to stay in hospital longer for further monitored treatment as she refuses now to take medication saying she is ok. She is apparently very pleasant overall when on medication but when off she is very very ill. I agree with him fully. I now know she is in capable hands and I feel better now that this hearing has taken place.

Though she was happy to see me she initially did not want me to participate and kept repeating what I had told her as to why I was there, "for support". It is not far from the truth, I was there for support on all parties and to ensure that she continues to get treatment. She is very confident that she is going to get out this weekend though. She really wants out of the hospital. I am sure though that the doctors will make the right decision.

When I saw her, I was a little shocked at how she looked. She looks much much older than 58 years of age. She looks older than my dad even who is 61. She looks older than my grandmother who is 73. This is possibly due to smoking so much over the years. She looked frail and smaller than she used to. Almost mousy. She even felt smaller when she hugged me which was a true loving hug. I did feel bad leaving her there at first but it needs to be done and the doctors strongly feel that she should even get an injection as medication because she can't be trusted not to go off it. I will know a decision officially tomorrow when and if they make me the decision maker. I know she won't like it though and she may be quite upset but it is for the best.

Holidays:
So without further ado I would like to wish my readers a happy Holiday season no matter what you celebrate! :) Remember to keep to your fitness goals as best you can and don't over stuff on the turkey and treats! ;) I'll keep you posted next week after everything is over and of course bringing in the New year! So Happy 2013 if I happen to miss next week also. :) I'm pretty sure this Friday the world is not going to end ;)

Fitness Goals and update

So I've been doing a lot of thinking. As of late I feel sluggish and sick, sometimes I feel depressed and looking at my weight is making me feel pretty crappy. I was never this heavy. I know I recently celebrated my 30th birthday and being 30 does admittedly have it's toll because though to me it's not really a "special" number, neither has any other of my b-days, but it is a significant indicator that I'm older. I'm not that young girl anymore that can walk in and around town for hours or ride a bike for 4 hours without being overly exerted other than a touch of asthma. I used to dance in my bedroom for hours on end (with no one but my sister) and not get tired at all really. I drank plenty of water back then and ate salad pretty much entirely for one entire summer of my own choosing. I liked healthy and active and felt I had time for it.

Now, now I sit on my butt, I work at a call center and when I come home I watch tv, sit more at the computer and though I walk to and from work, it's just not enough. Just 5 years ago I was able to bend over no problem and tie my own shoes. Now, I can't even bend over to do so,  I literally have to sit and even then my pants are too tight and I have a "muffin top"!! I had to literally buy slip on shoes! And even then they can be difficult to slip on without having to bend a little. My back isn't thanking me either for my weight, as my stomach clearly looks like I might even be pregnant if not wearing the right clothes to "hide" said muffin top and loose clothing and elastic jeans are not really what I'd like to be wearing. Neither is a size 14-18! I used to be a size 8 petite and my tops used to be medium or smalls not Large or Xlarge! My back hurts all the time as do my hips and all my joints, even my ankles can't handle it. I might look small, standing only 4'11" but weighing 157 lbs or more, my body structure, my bones and joints were not built to hold that much weight. I would love to see stretch marks (as I'm seeing a few on my buttocks and legs here and there because I walk) and then say I got rid of the weight and now I can work on making the skin look good.

All this has gotten me to think that starting tomorrow, though I don't have to get up til 8:30am , I will get up at 7:30 am. I will get up an hour earlier. And I don't think it's my eating habits as I eat well and don't try to eat junk. However I do need to drink more water and have more vitamins as I really don't think I get enough.

I will then work out for one hour every morning even if it's just doing stretches, maybe some wii , I mean why did I get those workout games if I'm not going to utilize them right? I love dance and doing them so why not do something fun with some pilates or yoga stuff from the wii fit? And then also too my intention is then to walk to work, I get the occasional ride home, then walk home sometimes, then when I come home work out for another hour doing something like ddr or zumba. I know it seems a lot for at least 5 days out of the week however, it needs to be done. And a recent report I found on share care indicates that we should be getting up every 30 minutes and moving. Therefore every 30 min or so I'll be standing while taking my phone calls at work. It might also seem or look silly to do stretches at work at my desk on break, however one gentleman at work does it and you know what it's not a bad idea. I think everyone should do it.

I didn't get these games, info, books, belly dance/hula/pilates/yoga videos or even my back deck, for no reason. I got them so I could work out and stay fit and healthy. So that I wouldn't be "fat". Again I may not look it to some but I feel it. My bmi is calculated in the obesity range according to the bmi calculator link. In fact when I was 98 lbs or anywhere up to 119 lbs is considered to be normal weight for my height. So that is my goal, to shed these pounds until I reach at least anywhere between 115 lbs and 119 lbs. That means a loss of minimum 38 lbs and a max of 42 lbs. My goal is set to be this weight by February maybe even March next year. Think I can do it?

Well like the little train that could, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can" and I will! My obstacle? Being lazy, sitting too much, being too tired and not keeping track of my progress. So goal 1. to keep track and start Thurs- Mon (my work week) of working out and doing basic things to start like 5 push-ups, 5 crunches and some stretches, and then a wii fit or wii workout game (like Excerbeat!) in the morning. Just getting out of bed can be a challenge especially for someone like myself who can feel depressed, doesn't really want to go to work nor loves her job and is in pain when I do get out of bed.

Not to mention, to update you on my mother's status. She is still in hospital last I checked but unfortunately she has made it so I have no rights to speak with doctors or nurses of her status and is convinced that she is going to go home soon. That being said I've decided I've done all I can and if no one wants to contact me like I've requested and put on file or are unable to give me information because she is now suddenly perhaps deemed sound of mind to make that decision after a doctor blatantly asking me if I could be the one to make those health decisions because she was not capable... then I wash my hands of it. For my own sanity I can't continue and if she is going to sue them, then let her and they'll see she needs more help. She is going to go off her medication, it's what she does. Unfortunate and sad, but I can't do anymore. My physical and mental and emotional well being is being put to the test and I'm drained. As my father said I can't beat myself up for it, after all she is an adult and has made the decision not to take her medication. She is part of society and I am not responsible for her actions as she nor anyone else is responsible for mine.

And now I bid you all ado because I'm heading to bed. Will you look at that! It's not the end of the world people, 12/12/12 and we lived. Looks like the Mayan calender just ran out of room after all ;).

Update - Current Mental Wellness

Here yet again, 2 weeks late. However, as many of my readers know hard times have fallen upon my family in the past few weeks with my mother being in hospital. I will have to say it is increasingly difficult when pressures are put on from every which way to "deal" with things and to make sure that everything gets done. I, as the eldest, and the closest child to where my mother lives, has been given the multiple tasks of making sure her gas is turned on, trying to contact varying important people, who by the way, it becomes very difficult to do when you work, and you have other things on your mind including your own health, and most importantly when those people you contact don't call you back. Trying to balance everything and or trying to talk to people such as ODSP (Ontario Disability) who clearly aren't understanding the situation or even if they do, can't help due to law of privacy act, can't provide you with information. Because I and or my sister are not power of attorney and no one has been assigned as such 1. because no one has yet and 2. because my mother hasn't assigned anyone, then they can't provide any info.

This being said the update is 1. that we can't get her money redirected to hold her place of where she is staying.2. Her gas may or may not be turned back on at this point but the person I've been contacting hasn't contacted me back as per my requests nor can give personal info via email apparently about the situation. 3. My mother is as of speaking to the doctor today, going to be in the hospital for some time. I'm frustrated also that it has been strictly and solely put on me that I am to monitor, take care of and clean up after things for her. Though there are support groups for counselling and such there are minimal supports for those in need of financial guidance in these types of matters. As of today also upon speaking to the doctor they would prefer that I help in making the decisions for her medical well being which that I have no problem doing. Finances has however never been my forte.  I'm not about to allow my mother to lose her home, especially when this place is low income and did I ever mention that it was designed in an area and community just for those people who have mental disabilities such as what she has? So how can they threaten to kick her out on the street?

There are a great many things I've learned over the past few weeks. Needless to say that those with certain disabilities, in most areas, seem to have more rights than the average person. How this is I don't know but it is increasingly difficult to help those people. I've also learned that it takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to deal with these sorts of things, I commend those who deal with it in the medical profession and I thank my e-counselor as well for guiding me these past few weeks to help my own personal strength become apparent. There are a great many things I've now learned positively about myself that though perhaps I've heard things before, didn't want to accept or couldn't bring myself to accept.

I've been told that I should start a journal or some kind of scrapbook that would be used as a "happy" or positive book with sayings etc. or even things that I've been told or said for encouragement to move forward. Things that make me happy and beautiful things that I see in an artistic way. I also am considering a new or even a future in writing where perhaps if I take some courses or put that as a possibility then I will be able to get a better job. My job, though I love customer service, is not the one I want to be at and it's time to look at a different direction using the talents and skills that I've been given or gained.

Being mentally and emotionally happy is one of the first steps to being physically healthy is what I believe. When I'm happy or things aren't stressful then I feel better, like I can eat better and just feel like I can do more. When I'm tired, stressed, feeling negative, then I feel sleepy and like crap and don't want to do anything and more that I'm just plain sick. I'm glad also I took tomorrow off to just get some things done and relax, perhaps look into writing courses or options and jobs and also too take more time for me. This week has been a decent week and one that well.. It was my 30th Birthday on Tuesday and so yeah I was completely selfish yesterday and today and did nothing but relax, sleep,eat and play games or watch movies. I got to relax with my family who made me home made lasagna and cakes and played video games (active ones as well as sitting ;) ) on the Wii.

I have to say I love the Wii because it encourages activity rather than inactivity. I even challenged my step brother to Dance Dance Revloution, Zumba and Just Dance 3. :) And of course my parents took part in some of the action with a bit of Monkeyball Step and Roll! where you use the will balance board or the remotes to play.

To further the update in brief about my mother, it has been determined that she is in a highly sensitive emotional state where she has extreme sensitivities to being around people etc. and is still extremely paranoid. She is currently still in the safe room and unable to have visitors or phone privileges at this time. She has been many many years off her medication and has never stayed consistent on them. It's sad to see or even just hear about her in this state but I'm hoping that with the right doctors, medication and counseling she will eventually be able to go back to the community and be able to communicate with her family again. I admit that I do miss the times she did seem stable and actually had fun with us dancing and singing and enjoying life. But I also don't miss those abusive moments where admittedly again I don't know when or at what points she was actually on or off her medication. There were a lot of scary times that she most likely would be in denial of or even know that she did. I know at one point it did pain her to admit and know of some of what she did but she blamed it on a certain person, again increasing her paranoia and delusions, her alternate realities she has created in her mind.

I can imagine it would be quite scary and almost like feeling trapped, not knowing what reality is real or not. I feel for those families and people dealing with family members or friends with this illness or any mental illness, and I feel for those who have it. I encourage anyone who does have it or any other illness such as depression etc. to seek help and continue to take medication, it's there for a purpose. No matter how better you feel, don't stop taking it without a professional directing you to do so as it can certainly, as I've experienced and seen, have devastating consequences.

Well that is all for now I guess. Oh and one last thing, unrelated so to speak but another link has been posted to the side for Healthy Canadians. It's a government site that has some useful information including about recalled items etc. so check it out!

Take care everyone and I hope everyone is preparing for an amazing holiday season! :)

Dispelling Myths of a Mental Illness

I apologize again to my readers that I have not posted for a couple weeks. I know some of you look forward to my postings. As of last post I did mention some family matters involving my mother who has schizophrenia. I would like to take some time this week to not only provide information and insight but also share with you some of the truths and myths about the illness. For those here in Canada and Ontario as well as for those in particular that also suffer from or have a family member who suffers from this illness, this blog entry is also intended to give guidance where necessary for certain processes and supports.

I'm going to start with that I have posted a variety of links to the right that will help with understanding and supports such as Canadian Mental Health , Schizophrenia Society of Canada/Ontario, Mayo Clinic (a medical based site that even professionals utilize) and Shepell-fgi (a site for those in Canada or the US that have employer benefits that utilize the service however also can provide interesting articles about a variety of topics). I would like all of you who read that would like further information to take these sites and do your own research and read up on the topic of mental illness. In particular Schizophrenia is the topic that I am most focusing on as it affects me directly.

Growing up with a family member, particularly a parent with the illness is hard. I and my siblings were unaware for the most part, my father though knowing of the illness did not have the supports presented to him nor knew the full extent of the illness and the myths and truths surrounding it. Much like many mental health issues it is one that is highly misunderstood and many take the time, sometimes even in the public eye and media to continue that misunderstanding.

People with this illness have an alternate perception of reality. It may come across as varying forms of depression and multiple personality disorders and can be confused as such sometimes even misdiagnosed, especially for those that were diagnosed so many many years ago when knowledge about the illness was truly at it's minimum and medical practitioners were still finding medication that worked for it. There is no cure. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain and only medication can bring that balance along with in some and most cases psychotherapy . Sometimes it is brought on by traumatic events, even genetically and most often frequents men starting as early as young adulthood but is not limited to men, and can affect women as well though seemingly a lower percentage. Through research I have also found that children of a parent, particularly a mother, would and can have depression or anxiety disorders and run potential of genetically carrying on though that is not often. 

My mother is one of those women that, as of today, had to be unfortunately admitted to hospital because she ran risk of hurting herself or another due to her alternate perceptions brought on by this illness. She is not "crazy" or "loopy" though the terms are still used. I don't openly "advertise" that my mother is ill and in fact though it is not something I should be ashamed of it is something that has not ever been openly spoken about and illnesses like this often are the subject of shame and ridicule. This was, in the old days, displayed by locking those people with these illnesses in isolated housing and in some areas with historic background those buildings can be found today still standing.  Even growing up, not only was I considered "poor" but also considered to have a "crazy controlling mother". I was often made to feel guilty for it even at a women's shelter later on in life. Made to feel that I was responsible for it and for her actions because I am her daughter and eldest. I would like those of you who have gone through this to take the time to consider this, you are NOT responsible and you are NOT the cause etc. and you should NOT feel guilty or ashamed despite society's wanting us to feel this way.  It has taken me a long time and even now still counselling to get rid of these thoughts. It's not my fault she has the illness or is like this in any way, shape or form. It is also often presented in the media that these people are highly violent, have learning disabilities, are always unstable and unclean and can not be acting community members. None of this is the case, in fact quite the opposite.

My mother was and can be abusive, yes, and this was most likely the result of her illness and in bouts of good times where she was on her medication she did admit that she was sorry for it and filled with regret. Again it's hard as a child viewing a role model or parent in this manner and forever being in fear of them. Even today I did not see her when they went to get her because I was in fear she would be extremely angry and try to do something. She apparently co-operated though was afraid.

So how did I get her to the hospital to be assessed you may be asking? Well for here in Ontario, here is the process. You first need to get a form from this link and download the pdf. Fill it in accordingly. Then proceed to the courthouse of the area the person is living, fill out an affidavit and form with a series of questions and supporting documentation supporting your claim and need to have the person be examined. You then need to swear this before the Justice of the Peace after they review it and feel it deemed necessary with sufficient information and knowledge of the situation and person's past history. You must swear it to be true and then they sign it, you bring it to the police whereby they will act upon it and bring said person to the hospital to be examined by an ER doctor, where they then proceed to have them examined by a psychiatrist. If it is determined that the person is to be held more than the standard 72 hours then they will do so and give the person appropriate medical treatment for the length of time deemed necessary by the physician.

So as you see this is not a simple, go get form, fill form and sign and go to the police. This process is put in part because people take advantage and abuse the system forcing people unnecessarily into the hospital when there is in fact no need. Again claiming "they are crazy" when that is not the truth. This prevents that from happening where they will get properly looked after. There is probably a similar process across the country and hopefully for those who read out of country, there is hopefully something remotely similar for you as well and should be researched.

You are probably asking, what type of behavior was she displaying for me to proceed with this. There were many factors over the course of 4-5 years that has led to this. My mother, who is very intelligent and can manage her own finances for the most part though she only finished grade 8 education (another myth that people with this illness have a learning disability is dispelled here, just watch the movie "A Beautiful Mind" as it demonstrates one of the most famous people in our history that had the illness and created binary code!), displayed signs of deteriorating speech patterns and incoherent thoughts and would jump from one thought to another randomly, as well as lack of care to herself and her pet by not eating and doing regular activities such as grocery shopping, cleaning and even maintaining a necessary utility such as gas. She also showed signs of paranoid violent and sexually oriented perceptions or delusions that were resulting in my sister and I not fearing for ourselves but others and her uttering death threats and causing damage to property.  My mother also has other medical conditions that are being complicated by this behavior and requires medical attention.

So as you see there were a lot of things going on and knowing she has been off her medication, because yet again another thing most people with any mental illness do, is they go off their medications thinking that they are "better" or ok to do so. This can result in psychotic behavior and in some, though not all and very rarely, results in violent behavior especially when coupled with other drugs or alcohol or certain perceptions over time.

I share my story and her story because I want people to know that you're not alone in this. There are supports and by asking the right questions and researching you can get help and identify when something is wrong. I strongly believe that the public needs to be informed and educated and that there should be more supports more openly available because in reality there are so many affected by mental illness whether we're aware or not.  It's all around us. Without getting her help and acting upon this, we may have lost her.

I will keep a regular update as much as possible about the trials and things that I go through not only with this but with my own anxiety and health issues including things such as common cold or even working out or eating healthy and staying positive with self esteem. I also encourage everyone to be selfish sometimes. As a friend of mine said, take time for yourself, how can you help anyone else without helping yourself first? Time to reflect or time to laugh and be happy for yourself even if it's reading a book or watching a funny movie is good for you and takes you away for a bit to refresh your mind.

Anyway that seems to be all I have right at the moment for this week. Take care everyone and until next time.... :)

Mental Health Issues

I apologize for not writing last week however as some of you have noticed, not only life gets in the way but I unfortunately frequently fall ill with colds etc. and things can become well, admittedly depressing. I fight with emotions at times and there are days or weeks where I feel like doing nothing, and I feel down upon myself. I struggle with it on a daily basis.

This leads me yet again to a discussion about mental health. I'd like to share more of my story in hopes to help others with their struggles. Not only do I and other family members deal with bouts of depression and anxiety but my mother, as noted in another entry, fights with schizophrenia. I will be posting links to the link section shortly after writing this to the Schizophrenia Society of Canada and to Canadian Mental Health Association. The reason for this is because I strongly feel that people with mental health issues should be recognized as well as assisted and not pushed through the system as if they are nothing but a nuisance. This article  outlines a fine example of this happening.

Another example is unfortunately, my mother. My mother was diagnosed when she was in her 20's with having this illness after a history of unfortunate drug abuse in the 70's and a miscarriage of her second child, what would have become my second half sibling. After the miscarriage she became increasingly ill due to post traumatic stress, she had spent time in and out of hospitals and getting the treatment that she needed however of course my half brother was put through the system and unfortunately we have been unable to connect to him. This is a story not uncommon to many who struggle with this illness and at the time, even more so then, no one knew how to really address it and was of the belief that she was a danger and that she was abusive or in some cases she seemed perfectly normal as if nothing was even happening at home etc.

Sadly that wasn't far from the truth in it's own sad way and later on 4 years ago I spoke to a doctor who advised me that is one of the few that is hard to diagnose and treat as she is on a fine line of knowing and unknowing, abusive and manipulative and at the same time unintentionally doing so. As children we were were unaware of her being off her medication at any given time and unknown to us she was on them but cutting the pills in half. So at least she was on something but,  how were we or anyone to really know that she was on, or off it. We aren't babysitters and especially the spouses or children of people with illnesses like this, we don't know what to do, didn't have supports and didn't know who to turn to. We weren't knowledgeable about it. We're not doctors. Sadly also, no one has the right to keep her in hospital and so she even was able, with lawyers advice, sign herself out.

Later on as we grew older and there were a chain of events that occurred that split and tore our family apart. We tried to seek assistance but in the end, even at a shelter that we went to because the abuse had gotten bad enough verbally, mentally and emotionally (minimal physical abuse) , I was told by a counselor that it was I who was responsible for her and that I was to be taking care of her etc. But she is an adult and she should be able to take care of herself. She can when again, she is on meds. I found out that the police can't do anything, the mental health organizations can't do anything and neither can healthcare professionals until she herself seeks treatment or is a danger to herself or others. This unfortunately is law simply because too many take advantage of the system and were putting those who were sane where they shouldn't be and or locking them away in the old days as if they weren't people. People with mental illness, some the most part, can, if assisted properly, live on their own and take care of themselves and become full members of the community.

There are a variety of mental illnesses, some more extreme than others. That being said, what are those of us who are thrust into being a caregiver, or those with children that have illnesses like this to do? Where do we find the supports? Where does the law step in?  It is very frustrating especially if a person who is, in my case, a parent, and full adult, has not designated and will not designate a power of attorney.

Here is another link for those who struggle with parents who older adults with various ailments where they can not assist themselves financially or for their own personal care. It's a document that outlines here in Ontario how to go about power of attorney (aka POA) for yourself or if a family member or government official can do so on your behalf if you do not designate someone.

This is very important and everyone should do this. I would probably designate my sister or depending on situation my step mother or father to be mine or if I perhaps had a spouse. But again what of those who don't have family and or spouses? That's when the government or the courts can then step in. Sadly this leaves me in a position where I have a choice, I can step away from it all and let them take over and leave her to the system to get lost in it and might not find the treatment and even end up in the court of law by hurting someone or doing some other act of criminal activity risking as the above article outlined being abused in the system, or I can decide to be her poa for personal care only as she is financially able to take care of things when she is of sound mind or on meds or even before when she was not she was still capable of paying her rent and bills etc. It's a very tough thing and something I fear being faced with.

I fear her control and I fear death too, as we all do but not of myself. No I fear the death of my loved ones and being alone. I fear dying alone but not of death itself. The thought of this brings depression and sadness but some kind of relief like when my little niece passed away with all her suffering finally gone it brought peace.

This is a thing we all face and it is something that ails us all, is what do we do with the loss of a loved one, if they are alive and not well and lost in mind, or lost by death. I will keep this journal updated with any information I find useful like the above links etc. on my journey with this. I don't believe anyone should go at this alone and I am also very thankful and lucky to have such supportive friends and family through it.  I have also been told that there is right now a possible plan in place and so I shall have to wait, we must, on my mother's responses and behavior. If she becomes a danger to herself or others she can be put in the hospital and hopefully assessed. That's in all honesty, part of what I hope for.

I'd like to take a bit now to go slightly off topic and suggest reading this link  about dealing with Occupational burnout. The reason I bring up this is because quite honestly this connects with other mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety etc. and is one of the leading causes of these type of illnesses even in short bouts just as seasonal depression is something we all suffer from.  I know I strongly believe that I am suffering from burnout too. But on the bright side I am making a plan to try to help with this and create something happy in my life. I have to stay positive right?

I leave you now with these thoughts, as sad as they are yes, but be wise and designate someone, talk to family members about doing so for yourself or them and don't forget, spend as much time as possible with loved ones because you never know what might happen the very next day.. few hours or minutes. Every second counts to show them you care and love them, even if on some days they believe, feel or even forget that you do or who you even are.

Zumba!!, Healthy Eating and Sitting Disease

This week there are a few things I'd like to write about such as goals, "sitting disease", zumba and of course healthy eating. You might think that some of this is boring and ok I've reviewed some stuff before but... Let's start with goals.

As I said before this is a blog not only to post interesting topics on health but for my own personal goals to be healthier. I'm going to start with the fact that I want to fit into my size 8 pants again and be at least where I should be which is just over being 100 lbs but right now I'm sitting at 157 last I checked and that being said I would like to lose at least 30 lbs by the beginning of next year. My original goal of doing this by my birthday, December 4th, is right now next to impossible only because that is in  just over one month and losing that much weight in such a short period would be unhealthy so my aim is to be 30 lbs lighter by at least February or March.

So how shall I achieve this goal? Well this is where my talk about "sitting disease" comes in. I share this infograph with you. Why because there was also a recent study done and posted in yahoo about it as well here. Basically this is what I've been trying to say about my current job. Not only has it made me heavier in the bottom but definitely not healthy overall and though I could petition for change in the call center environment there would need to be enough of us to even do a thing about it. I think it should be mandatory hour lunch or at least an hour work out or stretch session of a half hour and then the other half hour to eat a decent lunch, and by decent I don't mean the grease filled stuff from the cafe or eating out. I mean it's your choice per say what you want to do with that one half hour to eat but stretching would at least make us feel so much better. Not to mention that they are saying that the health risks of inactivity is shocking! More shocking than we thought! This leads me to want to be more active but also wanting to eat healthier, which by the way if no one has seen yet I recently posted a link to the right here of a site that helps you determine when food is still good or not so that we're not risking our health by eating items that are past their expiration date that are in boxes or canned. :) I also have decided perhaps I'll try a cleansing that my parents are trying out of ginger in tea. Ginger has a lot of great properties and since I have a tendency to get sick a lot, flu and cold season is coming up people and Ginger is great for preventing or helping in flu's and colds and sore throats.

How do you make this tea? Well my parents have just cut up and peeled the root and put it in boiling tea however you can also use  2 inch slices in boiling 4 cups water with slice of lemon and honey to taste. You can also try using ginger in other recipes as well and it makes for great flavoring. Ginger also prevents and aids in cancer treatment. For women and men it can prevent colon cancer and for women ovarian cancer apparently. This isn't shocking as is was also used in Chinese medicine for a cure for menstrual cramps, which admittedly I do suffer horribly from at times and I'm sure many of you ladies reading might have experienced those or know of someone who has and the pain we suffer.

As for tea in general, well needless to say though it has more caffeine than coffee, it's better for you and the best replacement for pop/cola as you can control the sugar content though right now I'm opting for water or flavored mineral water to get me started. I am trying to flush my system of carbonated drinks. Though this will take some work and a better routine in the morning I'm sure, this will help me feel better.  I also am opting for things like nuts and trail mix rather than chips or candy right now. I note, trying to do so. It's hard when you cave and have those cravings, but remember indulging once doesn't mean you've completely gone off track and there are other alternatives in making things while keeping what you love in smaller portions.

Next, to reach my goal there is the option of more activity. And what kind of activity do you choose? Well there are a variety and as I said in previous posts, always opt for something fun and something that excites you and makes you happy and feel good. I personally have opted for playing the Wii and going on walks to and from work. You might not think that the Wii is enough activity but let me tell you, you get the right games and you'll be telling me you were wrong later on that thought! So without further ado here is my brief review of the new and previous Zumba games for the Wii console.

The first Zumba fitness game is good and I like the music and it gives you options of classes etc. and I haven't really gotten that far into it. But it worked for what it was made for and does have a lot of good routines and you can get the hang of it. The second one got a little more realistic with more venue options and music as well as goals etc. and I liked that more and now the Zumba Fitness: Core workout has come out and I just had to have it and omg!! Amazing! I love the music, the dances and the more realistic view and venues as well as the various options including customizing your own playlist which the others didn't really have other than song by song choices. I broke a sweat after the two songs I did to try it out and then decided to break it even more into a sweat because I was having soo much fun with the cool routines that I did a 20 minute workout. You can also chose your workout length by 20 min, 40min or an hour workout which is great if you want to really challenge yourself. It truly does work your overall core. Believe me, for someone who doesn't do a lot of dancing but loves dance and music, I was sweating and it was worth it!

I felt better after, my headache was gone, my backache was gone and what's even better, I actually feel like I've lost a little bit of weight. I was up and moving and shaking off those pounds.. even if it was minuscule lol!! I recommend it for those that really want a workout and really love music and dance and want to have fun but don't want to leave the comfort of their home, don't have the time to look for a gym let alone one with classes and don't have the money to pay for full on membership at a gym. Also too it's great to do with friends or family and then you can party it up while doing a great workout together! So that's even better! Benefits, benefits and more benefits!

Overall this is how I intend on losing weight. Now.. to stay motivated and really push to meet this goal. I admit that I also need encouragement from friends and family which is highly recommended as well as keeping track of progress and a journal, which is what this is also for :) to share my journey. I may not take pics, I may just record the progress but it's going to be worth it because perhaps maybe, just maybe I won't be so sick all the time and can actually live longer in better health.

I also just want to say to those that are embarrassed to do such things such as dance or just get out there and do a walk because you are self conscious or feel people are staring because you're overweight or any number of other reasons, I know it's hard. I know that it's tough to get past that and going or even on days of depression it can be worse. But you have to try for the sake of your own health, to live a full life, for you! Don't worry about what anyone else thinks! Get on a routine that works for you that makes you happy and does what you need it to,to make your body and mind and heart healthy. Before you do though make sure you always consult a doctor or know that you can work with it especially with food items and diets as well as don't over exert yourself. A little bit at a time is better than an overabundance at first and hurting yourself. Remember in a previous post.. I said "baby steps". And if you need encouragement look to those that really care about you and will encourage you not those that will bring you down.

Now... I am heading to bed because I have work tomorrow and as depressing as that may be, I can honestly say that I can then come home to a couple of very happy and fluffy kitties and do my workout and feel good about myself for doing it! And no one can tell me otherwise :) Have a good week everyone!!

Mental Health Awareness and Bullying

This week I'd like to write about a few things regarding mental health and bullying and share my story. But first I'd also like to say thank you to those who are reading or even briefly viewing this blog. As I said in previous posts it's a blog to help and share and I really look forward in the future to hearing and sharing your stories, whenever my readers are ready. I encourage everyone to be positive about themselves as well as get some informational items from this blog as well.

So without further ado, here is this week's topics. The past few weeks the news has been buzzing here in Canada with multiple stories about bullying, particularly a BC girl by the name of Amanda Todd. I will say now that I send my condolences to her friends and family and I feel that this should never have happened to her. There is no reason for anyone to be bullied, tormented, blackmailed, abused and beaten by peers or others in general to any point especially to make such a young life feel that they need to end theirs short because they can't go on with the pain any further.

This story makes me angry. It is one that I've heard multiple times even here in Ontario, a young boy, in and around the age of 10 I'd say was reported about this past summer, early spring, as committing suicide for much of the same thing. Bullied for being disabled and his mother's passing of illness, and they tried to do something, even went to court and because he was so fearful of facing them in court and it going forward to become perhaps worse torment, he committed suicide. In the end the bullies were not properly punished as their main witness, was now no longer there. Then there are other multiple stories in the US, Canada and I'm sure many other countries that there are teens and adults that are suffering from depression, bullying etc. that have committed suicide. One other such story, in regards to mental health, was that of a hockey player here in Canada where they had set up an "unofficial memorial honouring late Vancouver Canucks forward rick Rypien" who suffered from depression and in August last year committed suicide as well of which the memorial was defaced this year  during Mental Health Awareness week no less, due to disrespectful teens and fans of Justin Bieber after his concert in the area. This being said teens or children now a days seem to have no concern or knowledge of any of these things and they should, it should be discussed. It should be talked about openly and to not only stop bullying but for children to have a place to go to talk about their feelings and so that they don't feel isolated.

All of these stories sicken me and make me angry that there isn't something more to be done. In Amanda's case I really feel sickened when I hear that people actually taunted her and wanted her to die, that they even now have no respect and had such... hate! It's pure hate! And they say social media is to blame or they say it's gotten worse but in reality it hasn't really gotten worse. It's a tool that's been used just as this blog is or the newspaper to make it more widespread knowledge of what's going on in the world and more accessible but it's just the same as before.  And this is like saying guns kill people...no it's people kill people because the gun just as social media is, is in fact an immanent object and without the power behind it, it does nothing but sit there.

I'd like to tell a bit of my story now. Not all of it is included I might add and there are parts that I leave out for good reason for the time being. I'm a 29 year old woman (soon to be 30 in December) who has faced the battles of feeling just as Amanda did, abused by both peers and even at home. My father unfortunately because of his working a lot and at odd times (and because my mother could hide it well!), knew nothing of the abuse I was getting from my mother and on a regular basis, we lived with someone who had schizophrenia, was most likely off her medication the majority of the time unaware some of the time that she was actually hurting me and not taking care of me and beating me with not just her hand but her words. Words to a child, just as tone or actions to an animal, don't know the difference and if you drill it in on a regular basis that they're stupid, they will believe that. Then on top of that going to school I got beat up, pushed around and told on a regular basis for being a girl and for being poor that I was ugly, stupid, weak, a cry baby, a nothing and a nobody, that no one loved me. (I also might add as a side note that even my father and siblings were abused by my mother and peers in many different ways and that we as kids were brainwashed. Not all people with mental illness do abuse either but unfortunately in my case it was one of the rare extremes. Not everyone even knows they are being abused and it's a vicious cycle which is another topic for health at a later date and a story on it's own.)

It wasn't until one day, that yes, I, on several occasions wanted to kill myself, was told by a very good friend the same age as myself that I had more to live for. I had siblings to look after and make sure they weren't bullied and tormented. I had friends, family and people that I could look out for and that actually cared. This.. was in grade 4. From that day on, and though perhaps he didn't know it then but I sure hope he knows it now, that friend made a huge difference in my life. All I can say is, thank you. Thank you for being there in that one moment because it wasn't just that I wanted to run away to the woods, it wasn't just that I didn't want to come into the school. I wanted to die. I wanted no one to find me and I hated everyone that embarrassed and humiliated me. But over time I've come to forgive some of those people. They may even have had their own issues at home and their own self esteem shattered by peers. And as I've gotten older I can admittedly say that we also try to copy our parents, or adult role models and if we don't have the right role model then we react most often the same. We treat others the way we were treated. But from that day I chose... I chose not to be mean to others though the thought has sometimes crossed my mind and in light of what I've gone through yes I may even voice that aloud being angry but I would never act upon it and even those words sometimes I regret it.

My story doesn't stop there either. I have spent 29 years battling now with my own self esteem, anxiety and seemingly bouts of depression, a mother who has schizophrenia and abused me verbally even when I was in college and lived with her for the most part for 26 years of my life. I also spent 3 years of college feeling belittled and degraded by my peers who were for that matter, younger than myself or the same age. And in my third year I was harassed and even more humiliated and felt like a no one, stupid and that I'm a good for nothing. I might add that those words of saying I'm crazy like my mother or even those horrible things that I can't bring myself to say, still stick with me and haunt me. Though I also passed with at least a total of 70% in my course and got my certificate, I could have done better. I also admit that now I am not even in my field that I went to school for which is Multimedia Design, and on some days I truly wish that I was just to make myself feel successful and I feel yet again belittled by my own self.

Going forward a year later or more, I put myself in a relationship that was not healthy either. This person, I believed to be a friend and stupidly decided to be "benefits" with (which ladies and gents, no I'm not a whore and no I would never ever do it again, as it was a true mistake and I felt that I loved this person, I  should I say the person I believed he was;I was naive), treated me like scum. He would tell me I was fat by asking if I was "preggo" and patting my belly and back then, being 5 years ago, I only weighed in at 98 lbs!! Now I have a bit of pudginess and weigh at my height of 4'10 3/4" at 157 lbs the last I weighed myself 3 months ago.  This person also wrote me some really nasty emails indicating that to him I was nothing more than somewhere to stick it and that I was an idiot for believing he even remotely cared and that I was his whore at the time.

So, that's my story and  all I can say is that I have an actual understanding of how people are mistreated and go through this. I also for the most part will not take any more bullshit from others in this regard. I might complain about working conditions, I might say I need a new job and a new boss but, I'm not being bullied to that extent and trampled on. I know when to stand my ground now. But that also means too that I will and always fight for those that are being bullied and abused in any way shape or form both men and women. I would pick you up off the ground if I saw you pushed, give you my seat if you needed it on the bus, let you cry on my shoulder if you just needed to let it out even if I didn't know you. And I've had this happen.

I keep telling myself that my purpose, yes we all have one, in life is to help others. If that means just writing my story and sharing it on this blog and having even one person connect with it and say you know what.. there are others that feel this way too and that helps them to see the light and say also " I don't want to kill myself because I too have a purpose" and there is hope, then that is what it means.  No one should have to go through this.

I admit that some might even and have in another journal of mine out there in the vastness of internet hyperspace, written nasty comments or will, and that they take great pleasure in putting people down or hunting them and stalking them and being creeps, monsters and sickos. Some just think it's just a game and fun because it's not hurting anyone as it's via words, it's on the web where they can't be found. Well let me tell those people who do those things, you need help! Lots and lots of help and you are the ones who need counselling. You need to confront your own self esteem demons or even look in the mirror. Be positive about yourself and let your own scars heal. For those who go to extremes like Amanda Todd's perverted blackmailer, those people should be in jail because it's a criminal act and you will some day be found if not for the crime against her for yet another crime you've done and or will commit in the future and I hope that you get stopped and justice served. Karma is out there hunting you.

For those that see themselves like Amanda Todd or others who have passed did, please I beg you do not end your life. You have a life and like me you can make a difference. Though they say the loudest voice is heard after their dead, it's not true. You make a huge difference just by being that small difference in someone else's life, a smile on a rainy or bad day, a helping hand with groceries to an old folk or even just holding someone and helping them through other tough times because you've seen it.. we each have a story, young or old, rich or poor, male or female, gay or straight,  religious or non religious, colored or not. Doesn't matter. No one should be subject to it.

Bullying and mental health, both are our own inside wars at home. It is war. Remember it is not the weapon that does the act, it is the person holding the weapon and right now the weapon happens to be social media so use it as a tool instead and turn it around and fight back against discriminatory acts. Do not judge a book by it's cover, read the story first, then pass judgement but don't toss it into the fire to burn as someone else might want to read that story and love and cherish it more than you do.

Me Time, Goals and Facing the Procrastination Monster

Ok so last week I talked about stress, job and ergonomic components. I also mentioned previously that this blog is also intended to be a motivator for myself not just others to stay active and healthy in many different ways. So this week, I'm going to talk a little bit more about my goals, especially since we're coming on the closing of yet another year in a few months and New Years, though far away as it may seem, is creeping up on us fast! My question here is, how many of us encounter the holiday rut? How many of us make resolutions that again are unreasonable or even just don't bother to do because we conveniently "forget"? I can tell you that I am among you that do this and do it frequently! It does't matter whether it's healthy eating, being more active, going somewhere or making the goal to create something, I've become, in essence, a master procrastinator!

I am also haunted by those negative feelings of self doubt and overall low self esteem. I admittedly, fear, doing these things and sometimes I need a booster or just a friend or family member telling me, "you can do it!".  I was recently reading an article that is from Writer's Digest, it was on their site, and a blog entry from an author, who described self doubt as a form of monster or gremlin that needed to be banished when it comes to writing or the creative process. But this doesn't just apply to writing, it applies to any process including staying healthy in any form.

Staying healthy also doesn't just consist of better eating habits and regular exercise, but exercising our brains and our creativity and keeping ourselves happy. This blog isn't just about physical health but our overall well-being when it comes to emotions and mental stimulus. Emotions, especially when it's been drilled into our heads that we should feel like crap about ourselves by other people, take a lot to overcome. It takes a lot to overcome that voice in the back of our heads repeating to us that we're no good, we're crap, that we can't do it or that we're incompetent, or stupid. Sometimes we might even find ourselves saying "no I can't fit into that and I never will" and so we binge eat or don't eat, or even find ourselves saying we're no good for that relationship so why even bother?

I'm no health professional, so I can't say what works for everyone, but I can say what works for me and I can post it here for you to try or relate to. It's my story of a journey of wellness in many aspects of life. I need it and I need to make some new goals. Goals also will change over time because we also have a horrible habit, as humans, to put unattainable or unreasonable goals ahead of us. However, this week, I am setting some long term goals that I think will be reachable for myself with obtainable baby steps.

I know that thus far my working environment is now at such a negative and critical point that I soon need out and my intention or goal for the new year is to get a new job. That is goal 1. Goal 2, is to be more creative of which I'm already on this journey by creating and designing my Halloween costume which is a Steam-punk design that I've been wanting to do forever! I got myself a sewing machine and I have my awesome friend and step-mom Rachel to help me with the project which right there gives me even more of a boost of confidence as I don't feel I can't achieve my design and can truly make it ...alive!!!

The next goals are of course a little more difficult I think, as I want to lose weight and not be ill ALL the time! People have noticed this since I was a child that I'm just sick! So step one in this goal is to start eating a bit better (and taking vitamins!) , though this Thanksgiving weekend I didn't so much haha! I will be aiming to work that off though with walking, more working out and attempting to schedule that in the mornings rather than just light evening workouts on a more regular basis. As I said though, I keep putting it off. So I have to find some kind of motivator and track it as Dr. Oz recommends, as to how I feel when I do, and to get up in the morning before work. I just feel so tired when I go to get up at 7:20 am and I don't want to move. I look at the clock and say to myself "just ten more minutes please!!" and smack the alarm to snooze. But the longer I sleep I have noticed more of tension headaches/migraines as I don't eat breakfast at the same time on my days off. This I might add can contribute to headaches and not meeting those goals of losing weight for anyone is routine and the breaking of.

The next thing is of course the big one, be even more positive. I try to hear my niece in my head saying "come on Auntie ! You can do it!! You're ok!" and seeing her smile at me cheering me on instead of those horrible voices of negative  people all my life telling me those negative and cruel things. I've worked very hard to get where I am, to have a job, roof over my head, pay my own bills. And yes I had help; there is no shame in that either! We all need a little push here and there to get where we're going. But I know that I can be more successful, and happier, just knowing that I have helped someone else, done my part and my job and have accomplished something, even if it is that small baby step in the right direction to make life a better place.

Something else I'd like to mention to us ladies especially!! Something we massively don't notice but has been somewhat touched upon , especially in my previous journals regarding media, is that we don't take time for ourselves. And this is what this is all about as well. As women I find it's expected that we take care of everything and put everyone else before us. I do it all the time even though I'm not a mom or don't have a husband. I do have family and I do have my kitties and friends and I allow myself to get walked on here and there if not quite a lot of the time or just simply put everyone else first because I care. It's a psychological thing drilled into me by 1. negative people and 2. the surrounding influences by media stating that it's my duty as a woman to do so, from birth this is drilled in.  Now I can imagine guys have somewhat the same pressure but not nearly as much so and in a different way but it's more expected that guys are going to go out and do whatever and for whoever and they can do what they want. Well this is for me, this is what I want, I want to chill out and do ME time!

So alas, this is the last thing I have this week, do things for yourself, even if it's just a relaxing nap or face mask, a hot bath, read a book, take a walk, do your favorite dance or exercise, do your favorite hobby and create! Create something beautiful and share it with others. We only have one life and we should be living it! Make reasonable goals and get help where and when needed!  Until next week everyone!!!

Health in the Work Environment

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately and this week's entry is about work space and health.

Today I went out to coffee/dinner with a friend I used to work with. I have realized a few things not only thanks to the chat we had but over the past few weeks just things that have happened at work that have pushed me to breakdown and even cry. My work space or work environment overall is not a good one. It has stifled my creativity for near three years now. I have put projects and even my own site on hold due to being mentally,  physically and emotionally exhausted by the time I get home.

Don't get me wrong, for those who know me and where I work currently, it's not the job itself that is frustrating so much as the environment where there is no room for growth or advancement, there is a lot of negativity among my peers about the job and a lot of pressure to do things in an unreasonable amount of time or expectations overall that we are going to be there for longer periods of time as if we have no life! So that being said a lot of us are not only sitting on our butts for 8 hours or longer and eating bad cafeteria food that sometimes turns out it has mold on it, but also we are sitting in a negative area where we have no windows, with re-filtered air, dust bunnies and what looks like mold/dust in the vents. 

Needless to say my coming cartoon that I have thought up thanks to my dad, which I have every intention of doodling out, is not far off of my cats taking calls and walking into the call center with gas masks and dust bunnies lurking around every corner and coming out from vents from the ceiling in the masses. Not only this but I don't know how many times I've caught people not washing their hands and just using sanitizer after using the restrooms or eating and the lounge computers that people actually eat at are not wiped down proper or cleaned either. The carpets look like they've been tramped on so much that no amount of cleaning or vacuuming is going to clean them. They use too much bleach which is overwhelming when mopping down the cafeteria floors, enough to make someone like me feel nauseated and I'm allergic to the stuff on top of it!  Also too they do not use sanitizing sprays that are good for the environment but are more chemical which I too am allergic to.

I also note that we do not have proper ergonomic set up for everyone that sits at the computer, this should be mandated and should be critical to those that are old and young alike that have arthritis issues etc. or even just in general, because let me tell you typing is hell! and even holding the mouse...talk about  the beginnings carpal tunnel!! My hand has frozen up like a charlie horse 3 times in the past 2 months and both my hands feel like they're going to fall off! 

I'm just waiting for my hand to freeze up in front of them so that I can say look at what is happening! However after my talk today I am going to go to the doctor, unfortunately it will have to wait until next week because I can't take time off, talk about pressure and you could lose your job after 4 points with no fed days left. I'm sorry I used my 10 designated days which by the way according to government these are not supposed to be used as "sick" days but family emergency days/bereavement days, because I had legit family issues and legit health issues that required, by doctor's note, to actually stay at home and rest. 

The majority of people who work where I work have stress/work related health issues, including anxiety such as myself, depression, insomnia, high blood pressure, carpal tunnel, arthritis, asthma, viral infections, pneumonia etc. And I was even told by the doctor that my breathing issues, have to do with where I work. In fact right now as of yesterday I have a really scratchy and very sore throat and I just got over a cold, so I thought !!!

So after this talk, though I really want to wait until next year after my taxes are done, which I may still, I'm going to get my eyes and teeth done, use my benefits and find another job even if it means doing 2 part time jobs and quitting because it's affecting my health so much that I feel mentally, emotionally and physically like I just can't do it anymore. I'm barely keeping afloat when it comes to my health. Luckily I get a reset on those fed days starting in January and if I can just hold out until perhaps November then I just might be able to not be fired with getting hit with maybe a half a point or something. 

Sorry about the rant, I needed that but the point is that if you're in a work environment that you don't like and can't stand and health wise it's affecting you negatively, get out or make plans to do so! Also if you can't or are say in a job that you like but it is affecting your health such as sitting at a computer all day, try to make adjustments with the bosses or some how make accommodations using ergonomically set up keyboards and mice with wrist pads and chairs. Do stretches and try not to eat deep fried foods from a cafeteria or not to eat out if you can help it and make your own lunches. It'll be healthier in the long run!

Next week should have some new recipes and by the way as promised, though it's not super healthy, I did make a nicely flavored lemon meringue pie from scratch using natural lemon and probably less sugar than the store bought preserved ones. :) Here is a picture.. and that's only because this coming week is our Canadian Thanksgiving weekend :). I will probably gain a bunch but that will not stop me from trying or even attempting to work out! So without any ado here is a pic of my first ever lemon meringue pie, thanks to help from my awesome parents who assisted in putting it together! :)

Have a great week everyone and enjoy your holiday to all my fellow Canadians! 

Staying young and enjoying life

It's been yet again two weeks since my last post. This week is intended to be a shorter entry as it's near bedtime right now (not sure how successful that will be lol!). A lot has gone on, keeping busy. In fact I'd like to say that by spending time with family, especially the young little ones in my life, it makes me feel young again. :) I encourage everyone to spend some time going down memory lane at the good times, there is always a good time, some happy place in our childhood that we can recall or should try to even during hard or very difficult and sad times. I admit I have a lot of bad memories however I have a lot of good ones too because, I made them. I remember even small things like colouring or sitting down in a quiet corner of the library and reading or flipping through books, or even in my teens just laying there enjoying the tunes in my headphones or on the radio or dancing around in my room when no one was watching. By staying active and doing the things we love and just allowing ourselves to do those little things it helps us stay young at heart and live life and live it a little longer where and when we can. Those small things as children we don't think of like, building and creating with blocks and just taking the time to see things as a little person would helps us understand children and just go forward and be less stressed when we let those adult problems go away for a little bit.

The reason why I talk about this this week is because 1. I spent an awesome time with my soon to be 3 year old nephew Wyatt, running and playing with Cosmo (my one year old cat, I have 2 cats) and smiling and laughing, building block towers and eating french fries and listening to him go on about the cheeseburger  and burger images on the wall of McDonald's and being silly. Now yes, I know I've said that fast food isn't the best thing but once in a while doesn't hurt and I know that regularly he otherwise doesn't  get all the bad stuff and he's quite active. He's definitely not a child that sits around trying to watch TV, mind you he has eye issues with cataracts at a young age so his other senses are heightened so that may be a prime reason why.

Now the second reason I write about being young and living in the moment and cherishing those moments you do have with family and friends is that my niece Leah, my nephew's big sister, passed away in Feb. 2010 of leukemia and she was only 4 years old. Such a young age, and though she was sick she made everyone smile and lived in the moment. It was always right then and there. There was no thinking about tomorrow it was always, let's share this moment now because we won't get another like it. The loss of a child is really life changing and you really see things differently after that. Her birthday is this Friday actually and so I thought in memory of her, yes there should be a post because she was one of the best little people in the world, and she taught me a thing or two about just being a child and letting go because she also acted very mature for her age, she knew what was coming.

I'd also just briefly like to touch on grieving, because everyone grieves in their own way and there is no real "way" to do so. You will go through the process in any order that it comes, perhaps anger, sadness, resentment, acceptance. Most of these feelings rush through you and they can come and go even as time passes. It's been two years and sometimes I still feel angry or horribly depressed especially on days when I look at my future and look at the now and say, this is not where I want to be. I'm not healthy enough or I'm not happy. And on those days I try to even think back to Leah and say you know what, she wouldn't have let her auntie feel this way and she would want me to go forward and do the very best I can with what I have and do simple things and be as healthy as I can because things just have a way of not being controllable such as cancer.

On to other topics, this week I've decided that going forward I'm going to try some new recipies and just play around with trying new foods and making new foods. I have been watching some shows I recommend such as 'Anna and Kristina's Grocery bag' and Healthy Gourmet shown on the W-network as well as the OWN network. I also suggest looking at the website Allrecipes.com and getting the dinner spinner app. Both quite useful and though I have yet to sign up for my free membership I find the recipes quite interesting and helpful along with tips etc. I also have signed up for Dr. Oz's Sharecare newsletter which also has quite a few tips and information that I find very interesting.

Well that's all I've got really for this week folks other than that expect in the coming weeks to have some new experimental recipes posted :) It's not just about eating healthy and what's good for you but doing a balance of working out and eating healthy. This week's dish was: Roasted lemon, rosemary chicken with spinach and sweet onion stuffing ( broken up bread and spiced with sage and basil) and roasted baby carrots and potatoes. Now mind you it needed a tad bit of salt but turned out otherwise wonderfully. :) Unfortunately I have no pictures this week of this dish other than later on I may post the before picture. My father and I just devoured it!

Have a great week, or two weeks :) Stay healthy, safe and happy and spend some time with some loved ones where possible and act like kids again! :)

Cancer and Emotions, The Common Cold and Goals

Hello there folks!!

I do sincerely apologize to those who actually keep up with this blog that I haven't written in the past two weeks. I've been trying to keep it so I write on Wednesdays but things like, life, get in the way sometimes. Admittedly the past 3 weeks have been very bad for me and mine. This past week alone I've been horribly sick with a cold in which case today's topics might cover some basics on cold and flu prevention and signs. The week of the August 23rd just after my previous entry, I went to the hospital with a scare for my own health, and  also the week of Sept 1st, something that people probably don't want to talk about, and perhaps my family might give me heck for writing here, is that we found out that a family member, my younger brother and youngest of my family, has been diagnosed with cancer, b-cell leukemia to be exact. And this is the second time this has hit us in our family as his own daughter was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 3 and passed away in 2010, Feb 19th at the age of 4. So it's been a very difficult two weeks.

Starting off with the common cold, just some simple stuff, keep your hands washed, sanitize and if you can stay home. Lots of fluids are a must and if you find that you have a fever or aches and pains etc. then you may just have the flu not a cold. Flus apparently come on looking like a cold but the common cold does not usually have a fever with it. A cold can also last about 2 weeks of which the first week you are going to be contagious. Keeping young children home is a wise thing. I find though that in the industry that I work, a call center, that it's expected that you come to work ill and are in a closed environment, not sanitized, people don't wash their hands, don't cover their mouth while coughing and because we share equipment and it's airborne is a high cause of most people there being ill on a frequent basis with  a variety of things including the common cold becoming something such as pneumonia.  I think it should be mandatory not only the 10 fed days we get for "family emergency" but that we should also be required that if we are in fact this ill and are visibly so should come into work and be sent home. Will this happen? No. Why? Because we need to work and people take advantage of it and decide that this is a waste of money but yet we see more and more people lose their jobs over health issues created by things like this. I myself am one near losing my job based on a points system that if I have one more half a point I will be fired and any job is not legally required to hold your position if you use up all your fed days. I don't believe that's right. So in order to avoid it, I went into work and have had this cold longer than I should have, using sanitizer of my own since I'm allergic to the brand they use and doing what I can to keep better by having water, gingerale and soup. Lots of rest is also required and steam baths or showers also help drainage of the sinuses as well as any weariness from walking and talking and just a headache looking at the screens all day. :) So people, I beg you...just do the basics please.

To discuss cancer, the worlds 20th century plague as I'd like to put it, is something that is difficult for some. We open up about breast cancer etc. and we talk about finding a cure but we never talk about other types, it's effects on the people and families it hits and the devastating results and just how it emotionally affects us.We want to hear the good results, the people who have gone to remission and or survived because we want hope and to hear nothing but the positive. But what about those stories about those who don't?  Are they still in our memories? Of course and one little girl, my niece, was one that affected everyone she met. She influenced and gave me not only hope but the urge to try to help others and be positive and do something with myself. She also was a very wise little girl and though in pain kept fighting and put a smile on despite it. I live life as if it were my last every day and spend as much time with my family and loved ones as possible where and when I can. Like her I don't bother to hold grudges and though it is hard to get out of old habits of disliking people I've tried to put the past behind me as if you know what, that doesn't matter, today does. Because for all I know it could come creeping up on me. That being said, I also noted above I had a scare myself. It turned out to be nothing serious but it could have turned out to be had I not taken care of the symptoms and signs that there was something wrong. So in light of that, definitely if you notice anything out of the ordinary, anything that could be serious please take it to the doctor or emergency.

My family history has a history of breast cancer, bowel cancer, kidney cancer, and leukemia, among many other health issues. So cancer is something that I'm familiar with. It's not a pretty thing and even when there is a ray of hope of remission it can come back and hit harder than ever. My brother has chosen to forgo treatment as well. Which is something else I'd like to touch on, treatment such as Radiation can be damaging definitely to the immune system. My father has a friend, who is in remission, went through the chemo etc. and it didn't work however found a tea that the Mennonites use to cure cancer, and you can find it at the health food stores. You can apparently find it in tea, tablet and liquid form though the tea is cheapest and makes more. He used this instead and is now in remission. I emphasize though that again,getting rid of bad habits such as drinking, smoking etc. is probably a good thing and something you don't want to continue if that had anything to do with the cause, not that I condone smoking, I don't. I think smoking is a nasty habit and everyone should quit. They should be banned.  I hope that my brother can try this tea and it works but using herbal remedies and natural methods may be better for the future of this "20th century plague." I'm sure that cancer is not a new thing and that somewhere over time there was a cure or is one in some area or another. It reminds me of the movie "Medicine Man" actually. I love that movie. But it speaks the truth.

The idea of cancer or even of losing someone, the news itself is hard hitting and when I found out about it for both my brother and my niece, the news is devastating. It makes you angry, sad, lost. You don't know what to think and some part of you feels perhaps numb. I know I felt numb and part of that perhaps was that I had to make myself feel so because I was at work both times when I got the news. This time I was on my lunch and it just hit me. And then I had to go back to the phones and deal with people and try not crying. And it's heart breaking when you hear other people tell you they're sick but it's even more upsetting when they are calling in over a couple dollars of a charge that they validly incurred and you're sitting there thinking what the f*** are you calling in about this for when so and so is suffering and grrr!  And especially when it's a young person that is suffering because they have so much to do in this life or that they're missing out on. Now mind you I'm not going to say that my brother hasn't had his fair share of doing some...not so great things, but that doesn't mean he deserves this. No one does it's something I would not wish on anyone. Something like this can bring a family together, or draw them apart. Getting counselling might be a good idea especially if your family is not open to speaking about it or close at all. Speaking to someone or letting things out, allowing yourself to cry, and experience these feelings is a must.  I'm not a professional but I do know that everyone grieves in their own way or copes in their own way and some do so better than others but that keeping it all in is not healthy at all and can actually cause you and your family more suffering.

Moving on, I'd also like to write about some personal goals as well and the purpose of this journal once more. I know I've touched on some personal things and that's exactly part of this journal. I'm not a professional by any means but by sharing my stories and my findings and experiences, I'm hoping to inspire, encourage and help others with their goals etc. This blog is about the "no no topics", the eating healthy, being healthy in mind, body and spirit. We can all live healthier and be creative about it as well. There are always new and interesting things out there to try and that are good for you.

My goals personally right now is that I'd like to lose at least 10-15 lbs before or by my birthday in December. I'm trying to avoid sweets and lots of pop. I'm eating more fruits and veggies and trying to balance things out. Working out goals, well I'm working on that and it's hard. Aiming for at least once a week if I can to start and that's using the Wii as well since I don't have a gym, I'll make my living room my personal gym. I'd like to be able to share this and be able to do it with someone eventually. I'd also like to do some new and exciting recipes or even just share some basic recipes with people that I've tried and found. So every few weeks I may post a new dish. Three weeks ago I posted a salad. This week, though I have no pic yet for this blog, is my quiche. Quiche is healthy and basic and simple. So using spinach, mushrooms and sweet onion, I created one. It was quite yummy. Remember you can take anything that seems bland and spice it up by using fresh veggies or spices to create something new. :)

And this is my blog for this week. As I said before I aim to write every week but, life is life and sometimes other things take precedence.  Today's review: Take care of the basics with prevention of the common cold or flus etc., take care of yourself. Spend time with family and friends, live life like it's the only one you've got and the only opportunity is now! Make goals and be creative about doing so, have fun being healthy.

Benefits of Fruits and Veggies, etc. and Cat Health

Hey everyone!!! Sorry I missed out on last week's entry but it was my father's b-day weekend and onour regularly scheduled Wednesday we went for his birthday present, a scenic trip to Orangeville and then on the Credit Valley train tour. It was relaxing and quite a nice trip and good food there too. Sandwiches made of croissants mmmmm. :)  This week we're going to talk about a few things. The first is the fact that no, I haven't done any workouts like I had planned. I've admittedly been too tired and too lazy to do any working out at all. I walk to and from work and am exhausted usually by the time I get home and I've been fighting off what seems to be a cold or allergies, I can't really tell with a touch of laryngitis that comes and goes. All in all though I have been feeling better with this cooler weather in the morning and evening and quite like it unlike everyone else I've seen complaining haha! So working out and getting back into things is on its way. I might even do some tonight especially since my schedule has changed. I still have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off but I have an earlier start time of 9:30-6pm regularly and weekends with 10:30-7pm. But I might not get into the full swing with the 44 hours required until the end of August.

The next thing to talk about is that I've been doing some research and trying to keep up with at least healthy eating by eating a little bit less in some areas and then eating more of healthier items or replacing things. I've been trying to incorporate more fruit into my diet instead of sugary snacks such as cookies or baked goods though blueberry or blueberry-cranberry muffins are yummy! and a bit healthier than your normal chocolate chip muffin which in fact holds more calories and sugar. So in bouts of testing I also came up with a really awesome tasting salad! This is made of Spinach, romaine lettuce, white button mushrooms (though I really also love cooked up portobello), red onions, strawberries tossed with Kraft raspberry vinaigrette and topped with a little bit of shredded or grated marble cheese. It tasted soo yummy! Down below are some benefits of each ingredient minus the cheese. Also I looked into bananas, watermelon and some water testing such as coconut water and cucumber water. Now both those waters really is up to opinion because of flavor. However there are benefits to cucumber and that's the one I like the most thought the coconut water seems to have a good flavor after and definitely quenches one's thirst.

The salad I described above :)

Benefits of the following:

• spinach:  Went looking and here is a link that says the top 10 as well as definitely some things to be aware of : http://www.naturally-healthy-eating.com/benefits-of-spinach.html. Unfortunately that means that certain people I know with calcium issues should not eat a ton of this.
• mushrooms: increases vitamin D intake,  boosts the immune system  by increasing the production of certain proteins in the body that protect and repair body tissue, antioxidants! in portobello mushrooms is about the same as having a red pepper! (there you go Rachel you can eat these instead ;) ), also contains B  vitamins which are very important for immune system function as well as energy boosting, metabolize body fats and protein, and lastly mushrooms also have selenium which is apparently good for lowering the risk of bladder cancer especially in women.
• red onions: Here is another link filled with info on red onions: http://www.healwithfood.org/health-benefits/eating-red-onions.php which I thought interesting. Think I'll be eating more of these in the future :) And back again to you Rachel, your favorite veggie is awesome!
• strawberries: good source of vitamin C, antioxidants, they say they may also prevent cataracts so eye health is important too, cancer fighting, because of the vitamin C  it also boosts skin health and reduces wrinkles, fights cholesterol, reduces inflammation of the joints, regulate blood pressure due to the potassium content so good for those who have high blood pressure, good source of fiber, low in calories and so good for a snack and weight loss, also promotes for ladies trying to get pregnant or who are already healthy benefits due to the folate that is in the berry; it helps in the baby's brain , spinal cord and skull development and can prevent things such as spina bifida.
• watermelon: filled with antioxidants and there is soo much more to watermelon! It's so yummy and you can put it in water or shakes to make it more flavorful. Also it's even better than tomatoes when you think of cancer fighting fruit! :)
• coconut water: has been used as a fluid replacer for those who have diarrhea or even as an intravenous fluid which is the only substance other than human blood to be able to do this.  There are many benefits however the main benefit is that of electrolytes and boosts in energy (in fact quoted to be the new energy drink! which I personally think is healthier than those cans of say, Red Bull etc.), lower in sugar and good for weight loss in combination with working out of course.  What is coconut water, no it's not coconut milk, it's actually the fluid you find when you crack open the coconut instead of grinding up the meat and pressing out the juices. It includes more potassium than a banana apparently.
• cucumber water: aids in getting vitamin C and helps with water retention. Not to mention you're just getting more water! It includes vitamin K which helps with blood clotting, vitamin A which helps with vision and cell growth, iron, calcium , potassium which helps lower cholesterol and reduce blood pressure.
• bananas: So many benefits here including potassium, fiber which is good for the bowels!, rich in vitamin b6 which ladies is a great thing if you have menstrual pains!, reduces stress and depression, reduces risk of heart disease, includes calcium, has iron so helps if you have anemia. Bet you didn't know this: Smokers have a high level of nicotine and the minerals of potassium and magnesium and vitamins b6 and b12 help reduce nicotine. They also increase your brain power due to the potassium as well. Oh and lastly bet you didn't know that you could help whiten teeth and reduce itch of bites via banana peel!
• caffeine in cleansing or beauty products : a friend I saw at shoppers told me that it helps with those blemishes as well as keeping away dark circles. No wonder tea  bags are good for those circles under your eyes!

Now I'm not saying for some of these things that of course you shouldn't combine working out and a regular healthy diet, nor am I saying that you shouldn't eat meat or other things you like. But in moderation for all things should be recommended.  I've just found that some of these things seem to be working for me or are things that I'm testing out and we'll see if it helps. It may not work for you. But getting regular intakes of fruits and veggies and water in general is always a good thing to have a balanced diet as much as possible. And I know as I discussed before, it can really be hard to do in a fast paced world we live in now. But does it really take that long to make that healthy salad I mentioned above? For the amount of 1 person it took me 5 minutes to prep and toss. So really it is workable and can be had as a side dish with any meal such as your meat and potatoes or on its own. I always recommend a sit down meal too rather than one on the go because you take the time to eat and savor the flavors and you can actually enjoy and digest your food.

The last thing I'd like to talk about this week is Kitty health! Yes that's right I have two cats and am a cat lover! Though this goes also for dogs, you should regularly de-flea! I have fallen subject to a flea infestation, not something I'm proud of or want to really announce however my two poor kitties despite seeing vets and all that fun stuff can't seem to get rid of them! And I live in an apartment on the second floor so it's not like they're outdoor cats bringing them in. Fleas are a dreadful thing and you don't want them in your  home. Best thing is to spray down your home with a flea spray, bathe your animals in a special shampoo and or spray them and use drops. The best drops I've used is Advantage however that brand can only be gotten by your vet and is very expensive. So preventative measures by using things like a brand called Zodiac, shampoo and their spray for household items is a good idea too especially on a budget. Thus far I've successfully gotten rid of the majority of fleas. Best also to vacuum often and dump and get rid of all that you suck up immediately as they can live inside the vacuum cleaner.  I also might add never spray down your cat (I used a spray on Ozzy since he's allergic to the Zodiac drops but not the shampoo or spray which Cosmo is not allergic to the drops) and let them run away while still wet and not rubbed in and wiping down excess... poor Cosmo, though he's ok and nothing overly bad happened I freaked when I saw he had licked himself before I could get to him and then started foaming at the mouth! I immediately rinsed his mouth with water and his fur and thankfully he's fine. But don't ever give yourself a scare like that!  Ozzy seems a little bit smarter in that he's not to lick himself and he's to let me spray him and do my thing as it makes him feel better rather than worse. Also too kitty food, make sure they're getting the right diet. Eating wet food is not the best for them just like eating junk food is not best for us, depending on brand and type. So just be wary about that too as you would yourself or your family, as they are part of the family too. This goes for dogs too!! Oh and never let any cysts or scratches go unattended for long periods of time, if becoming infected always keep an eye out and get it looked after as soon as possible because our pets , like us, are prone to infections too and if older then they can get very, very sick.

Well that's all for this week's entry folks! I hope you had a good read, learned lots and if you have any suggestions for topics or comments please feel free. Have a good week all!

Toddlers and media, Olympians as role models and RLS.

So today I'm going to start with a bunch of links and tied into last weeks post as well as just a brief comment of seeing horrifying shows such as "Dance Moms" and "Toddlers and Tiaras", all I can say is this makes me sick. And no one remembers JonBenét Patricia Ramsey. Well for all we know it could have very well had everything to do with participating in pageants, they're still not sure. In the end there are so many things gone wrong with these shows in fact just looking at the Toddlers and Tiaras in google, all the images they look like this little girl, not to mention older than they should be!! I was always encouraged to play dress up but not like THAT!  And Dance Mom's is no better, encouraging nine year olds to hurt themselves, insulting them, making them cry, how does this do anything for self esteem and for encouragement of proper and healthy ways of thinking and body image?  Of course a friend on facebook mentioned in one comment that even going towards a famous magazine such as Cosmopolitan is a bad idea for even us older ladies and even 'gents. Why do we have to dress up and be sexualized to "get our man" as if we didn't already know how to get a guy? And why do we have to act like we're stupid? I don't get why society has drilled this into us! This is not the right way of thinking. That being said I also found an article on yahoo about our Olympian ladies of the world speaking out about this as well. It's good to be fit but when is calling a person who is fit, fat, crossing the line... what is fit and what is thin and why are these athletes being scrutinized for their curves rather than being celebrated!? Here is the link .  

Moving forward there are a few other things I've found too.  Such as the link I found about in Alberta about fake corn. Yes I said it, fake corn! But it's not just economically harming, these crops are supposedly of poor quality and in all honesty poor quality can harm the consumer health wise as well. Another link I found, tied into our discussion about fast food is one on McDonald's breakfast sandwich, the famous egg McMuffin among other fast food items in the list. Down below on the link I urge everyone to watch the video about kids meals as well. 

Moving forward this week I also want to touch on something that ails me and/or family members/friends which is Restless Leg Syndrome. There are many links in google about RLS, this being one of the many good ones that describe the syndrome. This is something that I have. And it's only getting worse. There is no cure, no way around it. I've been diagnosed for about 4 years now, even prior to working at the call center I work in today. I have difficulty sleeping because of it and there are times where even when out late etc. or even in the middle of my current training class that I find it increasingly difficult to keep still especially when extremely tired. My dad once asked me, if I could get it to stop. I said to him, no, just like you can't stop Parkinson's. RLS is apparently a precursor or can be to that disease though not always. What I find definitely helps is what's suggested in the above link where you put a heating pad or in my case a hot bean bag on the moving limb, my case my right leg most often and in some cases my lower back as sometimes it's both legs that can't keep still. I've had it a few times where my left arm is a participant. It can get quite annoying and sleep deprivation follows. I also do have the remissions where sometimes it goes away completely for a few weeks, sometimes only a few days. 

As of late, it's been an annoyance and admittedly I haven't gotten around to really doing a work out. I should and I believed I would with getting home earlier but instead I find myself eating yes at a decent time but also I find that end up napping practically right when I get home for up to 2 hours sometimes less over the past 3 days. I'm just soo exhausted and my brain needs rest. And fuel. 

And that is all for now, this week was more of just a look at some links and some topics that we touched on already and I know that some of this can become repetitive but it is something that I firmly believe in is to start with great self image you must have a healthy mindset to have a healthy body or just a healthy way of living to begin. It's hard for me too seeing these links and such as I'm a person who comes from an abused background, admittedly my mother was not that encouraging when it came to self esteem and thought that I should be thinner than I was always. So growing up with not so great self image and thinking myself to be a geek, not just from her but influences of other kids and bullying I find myself as an adult having a difficult time accepting who I am physically. I'm sure I'm not alone in this as pointed out in my very first posts here. But I still feel alone sometimes. In coming weeks I do plan on adding more to our topics including research and more discussion on diseases such as Parkinson's , Cancer, and Fibromialgia as these have greatly affected family and friends. 

If anyone has any comments to share about these topics or would like to share their stories or knowledge or even any research they've done, please feel free to comment.